


Whispered Promise

by guysinmyhead



Series: Porsche Hauptman [2]
Category: Alpha and Omega - Patricia Briggs, Mercy Thompson Series - Patricia Briggs
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-07 12:58:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guysinmyhead/pseuds/guysinmyhead
Summary: Sequel to Moon BittenMercy and Adam's daughter takes on college in a new place with new wolves.You don't have to read the prequel, but you should.I'm bad with descriptions.





	1. Chapter 1

“Who else is there?” Dad asked skeptically. I covered the receiver and glanced at the only other person in the apartment with me desperately. He stopped moving. 

“No one, dad.” I responded, trying to sound casual.

He sighed and chose to ignore it.

“I’m not paying for an apartment for you to mess around.” He reminded sternly. The man with me had since relocated to the kitchen but threw me a grin. “How was class today?”

“It was incredible, dad.” And it had been. We had dissected pigs in lab today and I had been anxious going into it. Something about my family, we tend to only face blood when we’re hurt or when we’ve hurt the thing bleeding. “The professor really likes me and he suggested I try and apply for a summer study with him.”

“That’s great to hear.” He sounded relieved. I knew that he had been anxious leading up to today as well. “So you think you’re starting to adjust a little better now? …Porsche? I told you, if you need us to come get you, we can. It’s not a problem.”  
 “I…I have to go.” The man beside me looked at me confused. 

“Porsche…” Dad trailed off. “You need to talk to someone if you’re not feeling well about this. Your mother would probably like to hear from you? Maybe Sam, he’s in a closer field of study. Maybe he could help—“

“Dad it’s not about my studies.” I groaned.

“Your grandfather has tried calling you and says you ignore his calls.” He continued. “Maybe answer him? He can help you.”

“Dad, I don’t even know what’s wrong. I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I shivered and nodded towards the window. It was quickly shut. “It’s just a big adjustment, New York City and college.”

“How is the pack?”

“They’re fine. Oleksiy is very sweet, helpful. He’s taken Bran’s words to heart.”

“Everyone does.” Oleksiy was an old wolf, Ukrainian and probably from the Byzantine era. He never divulged just how old he was. The only reason I doubted my assessment was because Bran had implied he was younger than I’d assumed. “No one is bothering you? You’re eating?”

“I’ve still felt nauseous.” I admitted. “I’ve been eating though.” Truth be told, whatever was cooking in the kitchen was making me feel like throwing up. 

“You’re too young to behave like this.” I knew he was worried, it didn’t even need to show in his voice. Wolves needed to eat, a lot. We metabolize much faster than the average person. Mix that with the general idea that we’re predators and not eating could mean someone goes missing somewhere.

Self control is especially tough in a city like New York.

“Tell mom and Bran that I’m fine.” I sat down on the couch and laid my head back. “I don’t need a visit. I’m just trying to make myself at home here.”

“It’s already the end of September.” Dad said cautiously. “Maybe you need to transfer?”

“I’m really ok.” I promised. “I’ll call you if I need something, ok?”

“I love you.” My dad said his goodbye. 

“I love you, too.” And I hung up. I stretched up and again laid my head back, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. The only visitor I had made his way over to me slowly, a little too quietly. 

“Ready for dinner?” It was Bohdan’s voice from behind me.

“Mmmm,” I yawned. 

“Maybe for bed?” He chuckled. I opened my eyes to be met with green ones. “I won’t stay tonight. I know you have to wake up early for class.”

“Thanks.” I closed my eyes again and felt lips press against my forehead. Bo was second in the East Hudson pack based out of Ukrainian Village. He was a little older than my father in that Bohdan was in WWII, I think. He wasn’t old, then, but he wasn’t young either and he was more than aware that what we were doing was a little too dangerous.

It was probably my fault, I’d not stopped it.

“What’s wrong, Vasilisochka?” He hadn’t moved from the spot behind the couch. 

“I have a headache.” I sighed, “And I still feel very nauseated.”

He made a discontent noise. I knew my answer had been upsetting him over the past few days. 

“Have you talked to a doctor?”

“Everyone is so quick to say I’m not ok.” I groaned and looked up to watch him walk into the kitchen and grab plates. Charles had helped find me a nice apartment, I found out that there had been some arguments about where I was going to live before I came here. Bran and my father had disputed who would pay for my housing, Bran’s argument being that he could just buy me the whole building and then I can make money for the rest of my life off of it. My father’s argument had been that, while that was very nice of him, I was still his daughter and I really only needed an apartment.  
 Charles had played the double agent, hunting for an apartment for both of them. He stealthily—I really think this was Anna and my mother’s doing—used both of their money to buy the whole building and the rest to furnish my apartment. In the end, both had met halfway rather begrudgingly but the deed had already been done.

Bohdan just shrugged at my overly-aggressive response and stirred the pot. The kitchen itself was a cliche, everything was white and it had a window to the fire escape where I’d placed a few potted flowers. They were dying, but they were there.

His dirty-blonde hair looked much more red in the sunlight that was disappearing behind him when he turned his head to look at something. 

“Who’s Ben?” My iPad was charging in the kitchen and the message must have reached it before reaching the phone beside me.

Bran had texted and he’d asked if I had spoken to the blonde-haired man back home. The man that had actively sought to avoid me the majority of my senior year. 

“He’s a wolf from my father’s pack and a friend.” I shrugged, trying not to come off in any way as being hurt by Bran’s message. Bo’s eyes searched mine for a moment and I obediently looked away after a few seconds. 

The problem with werewolves was that you were dealing with two separate sets of instincts. Bohdan’s wolf was much less likely to be jealous, we weren’t mates and it was a complicated situation I was trying not to overthink. Bohdan himself was more likely to be jealous.

I hadn’t seen how these relationships ended, but I knew they were often difficult and they would more often than not end. My guess was they end badly. 

“Is there a reason you need to reach him?” 

“What’s for dinner?” I got up, ignoring Bran’s text and pushing past him in the small kitchen.

I almost threw up, I couldn’t even think about eating. Maybe I would have to call Sam, much to my distaste. I hadn’t even responded to texts from his daughter and she would be hurt to know I reached out to her dad.

“Porsche,” I wanted to tell him to just go away, but he had cooked so I couldn’t complain. “Porsche Vasilisa Hauptman.” I froze. “What is wrong?”

“Can we just eat?” I whispered. I tried not to jump at the feeling of his hand on my shoulder. “And you know you don’t get to try that with me.”

“My apologies, I forget.” I didn’t like when he tried that. This pack was a little too eager to pull rank and quick to forget it wouldn’t work unless I let it. It make me feel sticky when the magic ran over me.

I ignored him and sat at the table. Besides dad, the only other person from home I had spoken to had been my half-sister, Jesse. I had already known what I was doing was stupid and I obviously hadn’t changed the situation at all, but I needed to hear it from someone else. She would keep a secret unless she absolutely couldn’t.

“Do you want chamomile?” Bo reached for a mug. I hadn’t even heard the teapot go, my senses were getting dull from restlessness. “To settle your stomach?”

“Yes, please.” I sighed, taking a seat at the tiny kitchen table. I took the mug as it was slid to me and blew on it before taking a sip. “You put sugar in this?”

“You need to keep up your blood sugar somehow.” He reminded gently, taking the only other seat across from me. “The full moon is soon, little Vasya.”

This pack often chose to call me by my middle name, which surprised me at first. Much of the pack was of Ukrainian descent and my middle name was Russian. Vasilisa Mikulichna was a bogatyr and a woman. My understanding was that my mother had wanted to give me something of my father’s heritage since he chose Porsche. Vasilisa came to the court of Prince Vladimir dressed as a man in order to save her husband. The other option had been to name me after Princess Nastasya of Lithuania. My mother’s first problem had been the “of Lithuania” but an afterthought was the fact she was killed by her own husband in some sort of accident.

My mother didn’t want to name me with a fate, she isn’t superstitious to my knowledge but someone seemed to have pushed her into that one.

“You didn’t need ‘little,’” I mumbled, taking another sip. He looked up at me from his cup and I knew he was smiling from his dimples. “It’s already a diminutive, you didn’t need to double that.”

“You are little.”

“And Vasilisa was a warrior.” I reminded with a raised eyebrow.

“And your father is fourth in the country, your grandfather is the Marrok, you call his sons by uncle. You were raised to be a warrior.” It was then I realized he had slipped a plate in front of me as he had sat down. “But you don’t eat like one.”

“You speak like you are far older than you are.” I rolled my eyes. To appease him and everyone else, I picked up my fork and moved things around. 

He just laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

“Could you be pregnant, Porsche?”  Sam asked cautiously.  I had woken up the following morning and decided enough was enough.  After my class I picked up my phone and prayed that Sam would pick up.  He had and, after countless minutes of him trying to ease me into telling him what was bothering me (I had started to panic after I heard his voice on the other end) I spilled everything.  

 

I started crying.

 

“No, I hadn’t had sex any time near when I moved here.  This has been happening since dad and mom left.”  I whimpered.  “And I’ve Changed plenty.”

 

“We don’t know if that has any effect on it.  It didn’t for your mother.”  He reminded gently.  His voice was soothing on the other side of the video chat.  “Don’t cry, there’s nothing to be upset about.”  

 

I had absolutely no words and I was an ugly crier.  I didn’t like looking at the screen so I glanced away and tried to wipe my eyes, but the tears kept coming.  

  
“Is there someone who you can trust there?  Someone you can talk to or who can look you over in person?”  I shook my head, sniffling.  “Have you spoken to Ben?”  
  
“Why does everyone want to know?”  I whispered.  “I haven’t spoken to him since long before I left.  He tries to avoid me if he can.”

 

There was a long silence as if Sam was trying to figure out what to say.  Samuel Cornick, of all people, is rarely quiet.  I made myself busy playing with the edges of my sheets.

 

“Maybe she’s pining.”  He said it thoughtfully, genuinely thinking about everything.  You could see it in his eyes when he was solving something. 

 

“He’s not my mate.” 

 

“Your brain is a little more rational.”  He gave me a small smile.  “It isn’t completely unlikely.  I hear he’s having some problems again.  He was struggling when you went back to Aspen Creek following a short trip home for Christmas when you were fifteen.  He’s probably distressed now that you're much further.”

 

I shook my head and I felt ready to vomit again.  All of this because I missed someone?  That seemed a little extreme, even to me.

  
“Call him.”  Sam urged gently.  “It will probably help.”

 

“And if it doesn’t?” I pressed.  

 

“If it doesn’t, I’ll make an inconspicuous trip out to New York City for business.”  He promised, and Sam’s promises carried weight.  

 

I nodded, not really satisfied, but willing to let it drop for now.

 

“Thank you for trusting me with this.”  I shrugged.  “I think Fallon would like to hear from you, but I won’t mention that I’ve spoken to you.  My da, too, would like it if you returned his calls.  I might not be able to keep this from him.”

 

“I understand.”  

 

“Be careful with Bohdan Bzovsky.  I’ve never met him myself and I haven’t heard anything negative, but what you’re playing is a dangerous game.”  I blushed a little and felt a little more sick.  “Especially if you fear he’s getting jealous.  If you have any problems, you know where to find everyone you need.”

  
“Noted.”  I rubbed my arm.  “I’m going to go, I feel like I need to throw up.”

 

He nodded.  “Please eat, you look like a bag of bones.  Your father would come get you if he knew this is what you looked like right now.”

 

It was why I had been avoiding FaceTiming him.  I didn’t want him to see me like this, my collar bone was becoming more prominent every day.  

 

We hung up a few minutes later after he made me promise to call again soon.  I decided I wasn’t ready to call Bran yet and instead nervously toyed with the idea of calling Ben.  We used to FaceTime now and then when I was in Aspen Creek, why would college be any different?

 

The sound of the ringing made me feel absolutely ready to vomit now, but he picked up too quickly to give me the chance to hang up.

 

“Porsche?” He should have been at work.  As if sensing my confusion, he answered.  “Your dad needed some help, so I left early.  What’s wrong?  Your dad is the only one who has heard from you in the past two months.”

 

“I—“  I did miss him, it was relieving to see his face.  I felt a little less anxious now, just looking at him.  His eyes were tired, he had bags under them.  Sometimes the impending full moon would do that to us, make us anxious and restless.  “I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Well here,”  He was being the kindest he had been to me in what felt like forever.  I wondered if it had something to do with the fact I wasn’t in the physical room with him.  “Let me sit down and you can talk to me about whatever.”

 

“The pack here is different than back home.”  I whispered.  “I’m a little scared.”

 

His posture stiffened and he leaned forward. 

 

“This is something you need to take up with the Marrok, then.”  I could tell he wanted details, but he was trying to figure out the questions to ask. He seemed to struggle with himself.  “Is there someone in particular?  Is the alpha not protecting you?”

 

“It’s a lot of them.  I’m their only female here.”  I explained.  “The second has been helping—“

 

“Porsche.”  He growled.

 

“No, not like that.”  I said hurriedly, but he must have seen it on my face.  

  
“Is he hurting you?”  

 

“I’m fine, Ben, I promise.  He’s just trying to help me—“  He cut me off again.  I was getting anxious now, I just needed him to let me get a word in edgewise.

 

“Helping you _how_?”  I didn’t answer, just looked at the ground.  His voice went flat.  “Your mother is going to kill him if the Marrok and your father don’t get there first.”

 

I nodded, mouth too dry to really speak.  I didn’t have words to say anyways.  Ben was right, what I was doing was stupid on so many levels.  I hadn’t even needed to tell him more than I did Jesse or Samuel.  He already knew what it meant.

 

“It _is_ helping, though.”  I finally whispered.

 

“Because he’s fucking you and no one wants to mess with their second.”  Ben growled.  “How did this…how did he get you of all people to agree to this?”

“I don’t know.”  I shrugged and that much was true.  I wasn’t sure what had happened that got me and Bohdan into this situation.  

 

“Has he taken you as his mate?”

 

I shook my head firmly.  

 

“I don’t know if that’s better or worse.”  I glanced up to see him running his hands frustratedly through his hair.  He had let it get long again, sometimes he forgets to make time to cut it.  The longer hair made him look younger.  “What’s this agreement he worked out for you two?”

 

“There isn’t one.”  I admitted.  “His wolf doesn’t like me.  The half-breed thing does that, sometimes.  It isn’t that surprising to me.  He likes me—“

 

“Worse, the answer to my question earlier was that this is fucking worse.  Shit, I—“  He glanced behind him.  “Porsche, I have to tell your parents.  I can’t keep this from them.”

 

Tears formed in my eyes and I shook my head.

 

“Please, no.” I begged.  “Don’t tell them, they’ll take me back.  I’ll be stuck between Montana and Washington for the rest of my life.  I want to finish school.”

 

“Porsche, you can finish school here.  That’s not a big deal, you’re smart enough that the diploma won’t matter.”  He groaned.  Now he was just plain angry.  He was trying to keep calm and breath, but Ben had never been perfect with expressing his anger.  

 

“Please?”  

 

His fist hit something I couldn’t see and I winced.  My father had done that a few times growing up, it wasn’t a foreign concept to me that and angry wolf sometimes broke something.  I had never seen Ben, with all his anger problems, just that upset.  For a long time growing up, I hadn’t thought he was dominant enough for that to become a problem.

 

“I can’t lie if they ask.”  He said finally, after a few very long, very silent moments.  “I am going to go above you regardless, this isn’t something I can have on my conscience.”  And he looked straight at me.  “I know you think you know what you’re doing, but you also know it’s wrong.  I can’t let that go with good faith.  Samuel said you called him.”

 

I blinked.  Of course he had told Ben, Sam was as sneaky as his father sometimes.

 

“I’m going to tell him the truth.”

 

I nodded, fear gripping my stomach.

 

“And we’re going to try and find a solution.”  He said carefully.  “Is that okay?”  
  
“Yes.”  I was surprised my voice was still working at this point.  The feeling of nausea was back.

 

“Porsche,”  He tried to get my attention.  I hadn’t realized I had shut my eyes until I opened them. The room was spinning.  “Porsche, we all love you.  We’re going to make something work.”

 

He hung up, didn’t wait for a response, and I knew I was in trouble.  I was in trouble for lying, I was in trouble for doing something so stupid.  I was in trouble for not trusting my instincts.

 

I wanted to hide, curl up in bed and never come out.  I was about to do so when the key turned in the lock.  I bit my lip.

  
How was I supposed to explain why I was crying?

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Ben POV_

 

She thought Ben was losing his temper with her and he knew that.  He didn’t mean for it to come off that way, but it’s difficult to express rationale over a video chat.  

 

To say he was startled when she called was an understatement.  He hadn’t expected it, even with the text from Samuel Cornick saying that he suggested she call him.  He didn’t think she would actually try.

 

“Please?”  She practically whimpered it and his heart broke into a million pieces.  The move had taken it’s toll on her, or maybe it was just the stress of college.

 

_Maybe it’s her second…_

 

He shook that thought out of his head.

 

She was skinny, too skinny for anyone but deathly skinny for a werewolf.  She hadn’t been eating, Adam had mentioned once or twice she wasn’t feeling well.  Mercy tended to bring up the issue more when she knew he was listening.  He still didn’t know what to make of that.

 

He broke the leg on the side table.  Ben glanced down to his left where he had impulsively hit the table with the lamp on it.  The lamp hadn’t shattered, thankfully, but now he’d need to ask Kyle to figure out a new one.

 

“I can’t lie if they ask.”  He tried to be as gentle as he could, but gentle was not the British wolf’s greatest strength.  “I am going to go above you regardless, this isn’t something I can have on my conscience.  I know you think you know what you’re doing, but you also know it’s wrong.  I can’t let that go with good faith.  Samuel said you called him.”

 

How she got herself here to begin with, he wasn’t going to ask.  He don’t want to know what he said or what she thought she was doing, but it wasn’t right.

 

“I’m going to tell him the truth.”  He needed a response from her.  He didn’t want to completely leave her out of this.  “And we’re going to try and find a solution.  Is that okay?”

 

He thought she said yes, but it was so quiet it was difficult even for a werewolf to hear.  Her face was entirely white and the bags under her eyes were prominent.  Her hair looked lifelesss, even with the dye job she’d done on it before she left. 

 

It had nothing on Jesse’s colorful youth, but it had still irritated her dad which is why everyone thought she did it.

 

Her eyes were worse, but she didn’t have them open right now.  She was trying to calm herself down.  He didn’t understand why she was so beat up over this.

 

_She wants to handle herself.  She’s tired of being babied._

 

“Porsche.”  He tried.  She didn’t respond immediately, it took her a few confused moments to look at the screen.  “Porsche, we all love you.  We’re going to make something work.”  He let her nod that she understood and hung up.  He couldn’t stand looking at her like that, it was making him sick.

 

It took him half an hour to calm down enough to call Samuel and explain the problem.

 

“You need to tell Mercy.”  He repeated into the phone.  “Ben, this is her daughter.”

 

“It’s my fucking alpha’s daughter, too, and she’s requested we not tell them yet.”  He just pushed harder.  “She’s just as stubborn as the both of them.  She wants to do this on her own.”

 

Samuel sighed.  The younger wolf had spent enough time with this man that he could imagine him giving a small smile even now, just because he realized Ben was right. 

 

“What do you suggest we do?”  

 

“Take a trip to New York City.”  Samuel laughed.  Ben knew it was a poor choice already, he also would have a hard time lying to Mercy and Adam if they asked why.  “Samuel, you know it’s the only way something is going to get done.”

 

“If we go to New York City, you have to tell Mercy and Adam why we’re going there.”  Ben didn’t say anything and Samuel processed the silence.  “You’re going to tell them you want to take her as your mate.  They aren’t going to let you go.”

  
“It’s the only thing I have.  I can’t lie, I can at least make that the truth.”

 

“She’s not going to let you, either.”  The old wolf chuckled.  “She seems to have decided it’s not for her.”

 

“That’s fine, I can still use that as a reason to go.  I didn’t say she has to say yes.”  Ben was getting a little impatient now.  If Samuel Cornick wasn’t going to go, he would absolutely have to turn to Adam and Ben was trying to keep his word the best he could.  

 

“I will go.”  He said finally.  “I’ll find us a flight and somewhere to stay.  You let me know if you can convince her parents that you need to go.”

 

Ben agreed and hurried to end the call.  He was going to have to face the worst conversation of his life—both in levels of embarrassment and the trouble he would be in for it.  The man swiped his keys off the coffee table that he hadn’t broken and rushed to the car.

 

Mercy had been throwing in remarks about Ben going stir crazy.  She wasn’t wrong.  He hadn’t gotten this bad when Porsche had gone back to Montana, but she also had only spent a few weeks in the Tri-Cities before going back.  As much as he avoided her, this time she had spent a little over a year in their presence and it was more difficult to shake.  

 

It didn’t hurt that the first time it was just the wolf and now it was both of them.

 

There were ways to stop it, he knew.  He had to guess the piece holding me back was that he was more than a little self-deprecating and didn’t mind doing this to himself.

  
“You want to take a trip to New York.”  It wasn’t a question, but Adam had his eyebrow raised.  “Has Porsche spoken to you?”

 

Ben nodded.  The tips of his ears were turning red.  It was more that a little humiliating when your alpha was talking down to you as if you were the scummy teenager who was taking his daughter to the movies.

 

“You’re my third, you think you need to take this trip?  We have a lot going on right now.”  There was going to be a sort-of global conference amongst the wolves.  There hadn’t been one in decades, but there was some stuff in the mythical community that needed discussion.  Ben had risen again, this time to third when Darryl had stepped away to take his own pack.  This was an action that the pack had seen coming for a number of years, but it had come down to a question of when it would happen.  

 

“I just need to be able to refocus.”  The slightly younger man told him truthfully.  “It’s hard to keep on track when she’s not here, when I can’t see her.  I need that to stop.”

 

“You’re going to ask my daughter to put an end to this?”  The alpha seemed to think for a moment, his eyes dark.  “Will you be able to accept her answer?”

 

Well, Ben was hoping it would be a “no” and that would be a difficult answer to handle, but at least it would be honest.  Adam was just concerned about him going wild on the streets of New York.  

 

“You won’t have the pack to help you out there.”  He reminded gently, his body language softened.  “We can’t help you if something goes wrong.”  Ben nodded.  “You need to stop punishing yourself.”

 

The blonde man spluttered, pieces of broken expletives were the only things he could manage to make come out.  He hadn’t expected that of all things to come out of his alpha’s mouth.

 

“You think you deserve to be miserable.”

 

“Boss, I’ve done a lot of—sorry—shit.” Ben reminded.

 

“We all have at one point or another.”  It wasn’t hard to remember that Adam had been a soldier.  He still acted like it sometimes.  It also wasn’t too difficult to remember that he had killed since then, and sometimes he had enjoyed it.  “You’re a good man, no matter what has happened or what you’ve done.”

 

“I’m not good enough for her.”  Ben said with an uncharacteristic softness that should have startled Adam, but didn’t.

 

“It’s my job to agree with that.”  The darker haired man flashed him a dangerous smile and Ben looked down.  “You can go to New York, that’s not my decision.”  Then, out of the blue, Adam added.  “She’s in trouble.”

  
Ben’s eyes widened, how much had he let on?

 

“I don’t know what you’re aware of, but she’s sick.”  He looked at his third with a little too much emotion in his eyes.  There was sadness there.  “Mercy is hurt she hasn’t called her or asked to speak to her.”

 

“I’ll try to get her to call.”  Ben promised with a stiff nod, wanting to leave as soon as possible now.  Adam nodded to the door.

 

“I don’t know what she told you, either, but I expect you’ll let me know if she needs help.”  He called after him.  

 

Adam Hauptman was a million different things, but he wasn’t stupid.  He was just willing to let someone else try first.  His daughter had reached out to Ben for a reason, and he would let it play out for as long as he could possibly in good faith let it be.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben had texted me a few hours later with nothing except “we’ll be there noon tomorrow.”  I had tried not to let the relief wash over me, but it did and Bohdan certainly noticed the change in the room.

 

“Your father is sending a babysitter for you?”  He asked flatly.  “That seems a little childish.”

 

“He’s sending Samuel Cornick and one of his own.”  I tried to shrug it off.  “He just wants to be sure I’m ok.  They shouldn’t be here more than a few days.”

 

There was an empty apartment on the floor below me I could house them in without too much effort.  It was furnished, though there were no blankets or sheets.  I would have to run out and get them today in that case.  It wasn’t too much of an issue.

 

“When do your classes end?”

 

“I’ll email that I’m sick.”  I realized I should have lied, because now I had given him an excuse to stay.  He didn’t have to leave if I wasn’t going to class before everyone else came.  It was fine, though.  They wouldn’t fight, I reasoned with myself, because none of this had to do with Bohdan’s wolf.

 

I should have known better than that.  It didn’t matter what Bo felt because Ben and Sam would be upset to see him.  They were both coming in with preconceived notions of what to expect and Bo would only fight dirty.  He was one who liked to push buttons.  

 

The only plus side I could think of was that the full moon would the day before, after tonight it would be behind us.  I stabbed at a vegetable with my fork.  

  
“Eat, you need your strength.”  His voice gentled.  Why was he always here?  I appreciated the cooking and I paid for everything anyways, but why?  He could leave me alone for a day at the least.  “Are you coming tonight?”

 

The moon’s call didn’t bother me, but as per tradition the pack would meet at a warehouse in Brooklyn to answer it.  I wouldn’t go tonight, I was too tired and too ill.  I shook my head.

 

“I’ll come in and check on you when we finish.”  He made it sound tempting, but I knew it was just so he could be here when the others got here in the morning.  I just nodded and allowed him to kiss me before leaving.

 

It was like playing house, but somehow more sickening and fake.

 

When I knew he was gone and well out of earshot I got up and dumped the contents of my plate into the trash.  I had two bites of pasta with vegetables and that was all I needed.  I was going to go to bed and not wake up in the middle of the night needing to throw up as I had the past three nights.

 

I curled up in my blankets and let sleep take me.  I was too tired with no significant source of incoming energy.  Sleep was too easy.

  
I did wake up around 3AM.  Bohdan wasn’t there, I hoped maybe he had decided not to come back.  I didn’t want an argument tomorrow.  I was curled next to the toilet with my blanket mostly dry heaving, but now and then I managed to vomit bile.  

 

There had been nothing left to throw up for too long.  My abdomen was aching from the effort and my throat was stinging with the acidity.  I could smell Bo even before I heard him.  He fussed with the sink beside me and eventually handed me my toothbrush.  I took it from him, hands still shaking.

 

“I hope the doctor knows what’s wrong.”  He said softly, but he smelled too much like wolf.  I spit after a minute or two and pushed up off the wall to get up.  “You’re far too sick for someone who isn’t eating.”

 

“Thank you.”  I wrapped the blanket around myself, ignoring his comment.  I would have fallen back to the ground on the way to my bed if he hadn’t been there to catch me.  I could admit he was at least convenient for things like that.  He all but lifted me to the bed and climbed in beside me.  I felt his arms wrap around me and his lips at the back of my neck.

  
I stiffened.

 

“What’s wrong?”  He murmured.

 

“I’m not feeling well.”  I reminded, gently trying to shift away.  His grip only tightened.

 

“You’re never feeling well.” 

 

“I’m sorry.”  I don’t know why I apologized.  I don’t know why I did any of it really.  Maybe Sam was right, maybe I was a little hurt and thought I could fix that.  Maybe I missed someone back home. Maybe I was upset because I had effectively been sheltered by everyone in my life so that I didn’t have to deal with the sexism that came with being a female in a pack.  No one had dared step out of line when Bran had chased a few young (and some fairly old) wolves off my tail.  My dad effectively squashed any issues by just existing as my actual father and Ben or his wolf had done their best to hide me from any other backlash.

 

I was prepared for the disgust I was met with when the wolves realized I was half coyote.  I wasn’t prepared for some wolves to still show too much interest.  I wasn’t ready to be teased or winked at.  The jokes weren’t funny and I had snapped on a few occassions.  Oleksiy had been doing his best to also stop it, but he had no reason to be able to.  It was wolves being wolves, if one could even say that. 

 

I turned to him because his hands were traveling and roaming.  I wasn’t a fan and I was going to say something to stop it but his lips met mine.  It wasn’t even fair, the way a body reacts physically even if you’re emotionally done with the situation.  Him being pressed against me like that, and he wasn’t unattractive in the least.  

 

His eyes were his though he smelled distinctly of his wolf.  I wasn’t sure if maybe it was just because he had Changed so recently.  His fingers traveled lower.  They didn’t tease, they were taunting me.  I was tired, I didn’t want to do this.

 

“Bo, I really don’t want this right now—ah.”  My breath caught in my throat when his lips met the nape of my neck.  I didn’t trust him enough for that, but he was also higher up than me and not showing him my throat wasn’t helpful for showing I recognized that.  

 

Power was so confusing.

 

That was going to leave a mark and he was being eerily deliberate about it.  Wolves were sometimes territorial regardless of the situation.  I wriggled a little bit, but I also wasn’t in good shape.  Getting out of this scenario was going to be difficult and it was going to just end with me giving in as usual.  We were already halfway there realistically, he was on top of me.  

 

I don’t think he noticed my sharp intake of breath.  I wasn’t entirely ready that time and it had not only startled me, but hurt more than a little.

  
It might not be right, but in my mind it was fair to say everyone has had a moment where they were in too deep and just thought to themselves “please let this moment be over” and it’s just never over quite soon enough.  I don’t think that sex with Bo was always that way, but sometimes it was.  Instances like this, it certainly was.

 

He kissed next to my eye, but I wasn’t crying.  It was something he always did afterwards, some strange ghost of a habit.  

 

I just rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, stiffening again when he touched me.  All he did was curl around me and drift off to sleep.

 

I woke up much later than I expected, but I hadn’t set an alarm.  I hadn’t considered that I would sleep in late because I hadn’t been eating and I hadn’t thought that Ben and Sam would be here earlier than expected.  

  
I woke up because there were voices in the living room, only a few feet away from my room, and I sat up.  The voices stopped.

 

The door opened to grant me the visual of three men hurriedly talking literally right outside the door.  Sam had been the one to push it and he was looking me over.  His hand quickly, I almost didn’t notice it, rested on Ben’s chest behind him.  Ben made eye contact with me and he wasn’t happy.  I glanced away.  

 

“I’m going to help her get ready so we can go.”  Sam closed the door behind himself and took the few strides to my bed.  He crouched down and lifted my chin to search my eyes.

 

“I’m ok.”  I told him.

 

“I’m sure you are.”  He didn’t want me to argue with him.  He was letting me believe what I wanted.  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but I was cautious.  “Are you on the pill?”

 

I didn’t say anything.

 

“Then it’s something you need to consider.”  He picked up a towel, a shirt, and a pair of jeans from the floor by my dressed.  “You’re horribly similar to your mother, you know that?”  I nodded.  “Shower and dress.  We’ll wait in the living room.”  

  
I took the clothes from him and hurried out the door, past Bo and Ben without looking at them, and slammed the bathroom shut.  I locked it and ran the water immediately.

 

“She is not your wolf anymore.”  I heard Bohdan’s voice.  “She’s one of ours.”

 

“You shouldn't treat the second born-wolf like she's a piece of meat."  I heard Ben counter.

 

I don't know what came back at him but I heard Sam break it up. I hurried my shower to avoid bloodshed and changed quickly. I brushed my teeth and unlocked the door to be met with the scariest silence of my life. Sam was casually situated leaning against a wall between where the other two sat. 

 

"Grab your key. We'll go get coffee."  Sam  nodded at me and I dipped into my kitchen to grab my stuff. 

 

"I have to go."  Bohdan's voice traveled, but he had too. I turned around to look up into his bright, green eyes. "I'll come back and check in later."

 

"Yeah." I said quietly, letting him press a kiss to my lips tiredly.  Ben's snarl was cut short by a look from Sam. I would bet money that Bo smiled at them as he left, but I couldn't see from where I stood. 

 

We stood in silence for a little while. 

 

"Will he have actually left?" Sam asked me gently.  I nodded.  Sam motioned for me to enter the living room.  

 

“What did they—“

 

Sam hushed him and I took a seat.  

 

“My da’ will be impressed to know they’ve gotten you to sit on the floor for them.”  Sam’s voice had a deeper rumble to it than one might think.  I’d never noticed it before, or maybe I’d never cared to focus on it.  “You can sit on the couch with us, Porsche.  We aren’t going to hurt you.”

 

I didn’t move, but it was because I was too tired now.  My lip was quivering.  There was movement next to me and Ben had sat down with me on the hardwood.  

 

“Ben…” Sam trailed off and I know what he’d seen.  I shifted to move my shirt again, but Ben had already pulled it up.  “Porsche, who did that?”

 

“There was a pack meeting and it got a little rowdy.”  I shrugged, nothing crazy.  I had taken a tumble into a coffee table when someone sought out an argument with someone else.  “I lost my balance when a small argument broke out.  There are a few new wolves still climbing in ranks, sometimes there’s some yelling and pushing.”

 

“That looks like a punch to the stomach that you aren’t healing.”  Sam was trying to be soothing, but it only served to get me more worked up.  I let him take his look as he sat beside me on the opposite side and then shifted away.  

 

“I’m at the bottom of this pack, it’s hard to heal.”  I mumbled.  “Please don’t look at me like that.”  I glanced away from Ben because his jaw had just dropped.

 

“Since when you you say ‘please?’”  He was trying to rile me up, and I knew it.  “And since when do you settle for last place?”

 

“It’s hard for Oleksiy to keep an eye on everyone.  So many members are climbing ranks, sometimes things slip through the cracks.” 

 

“Porsche, it has been two months and you look like you’ve been starved for two years.”  Sam reminded gently.  “This is a serious problem.  If your alpha can’t control his pack, we need to know now.  I need to let your grandfather know.”

 

“He handles it fine.  It’s not him.  It’s just the situation.”  I wrapped my arms around my legs and pulled them towards me.  “I don’t have anyone to protect me from pack structure here.  Oleksiy isn’t not protecting me, but there’s a line that’s drawn.  He can’t protect me from being female and he can’t protect me from wandering stares.”

 

“Is that what you think Bzovsky is doing?”  I wouldn’t look at Sam, not when he was talking down to me like this.  I knew what game he was playing.  “Protecting you?”

 

“I’m protecting myself.”  I growled.


	5. Chapter 5

Ben wanted nothing more than to hear her growl at North America’s third most dominant wolf again because it was more like her old self.  He didn’t want her to say she was in charge of this situation again, though.  She wasn’t, he knew that and so did Samuel.

 

He had a feeling she knew it too, else he wouldn't be here.

 

He needed to get through to Sam that he had to tell her parents.  There was no way around this one.  It wasn’t something they could fix in the matter of a few hours, she wasn’t in over her head this time.  She had outright let the wave swallow her.  

 

“It’s anxiety.”  Samuel said to the man beside him when Porsche clumsily got up and ran to the bathroom.  “She’s nauseous because she’s anxious this time.  She thinks we’re angry.”

 

“I know what she thinks.”  Ben snapped at him.

 

“I’m going to…”. They made eye contact for the briefest moment and Ben just nodded.  Both men got up, Samuel to go downstairs and make a few phone calls and Ben to knock on the bathroom door.

 

“Porsche, can I come in?”  He knew it wasn’t locked, he hadn't heard it click, and the door was slightly ajar.  There was a small noise and he took it for a yes, slowly entering the room and taking her in.  “I’m no fucking good with this emotional shit, you know that?  What are you doing, asking me for help on this one?”  He wanted to hear her laugh.  She did smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes.  She looked worse than she had over the video chat only the day before.  

 

“I’m sorry.”  She whimpered.

 

“You didn’t do anything.  You don’t need to be sorry.”  What was someone supposed to do in a situation like this?  He had only dealt with something remotely similar once and that time he could hand the person off to their significant other so that he didn’t have to be the emotional one.  This time, he was the one here and he didn’t know what to do.

 

“Bohdan.  He’s not.  He’s not _hurting_ me.” 

 

Ben winced.  She _looked_ pretty hurt to him.

 

“It’s not always violent, though, is it?”  He offered pitifully.  “You know that, Porsche.  You’re better than this, better than him.”  _Better than me._   He wanted to add that, but it seemed poor taste.  Instead he added, “Better than all of them.”

 

She was trembling and he knew she was trying not to change.  She always got like that when she was fighting off a Change. Her wolf was trying to take over, whether it be to protect her or because the weakness in Porsche’s mind was there, he wasn’t sure.  He also wasn’t sure why he reached out to touch her.  He knew full well she wouldn’t want to be touched by him of all people.

 

He did, though.  He grabbed her arm and a moment later had pulled her to him.  

 

“You need to be human for this one, Porsche.”  He whispered.  “This is your fight, not hers.  Stay with us for a little bit.  We’re going to figure this out for you.”  _We’re going to fix you_.  

 

She relaxed a little bit, she wasn’t shaking anymore.  She was crying though, and the man holding her wasn’t ready for that.  He just held her tighter and let her cry.  Samuel returned to the scene and shared a knowing look with Ben.  

 

“Anna and Charles will be here as soon as they can find a plane and permissions to land.”  He announced quietly.  Porsche’s head shot up, nailing Ben in the chin.

 

“No one has done anything wrong—“

 

“Anna wants to see you and she can’t fly a plane.”  Samuel soothed.  He turned back to Ben.  “I’m going to run to the pharmacy.  Can you stay here?”

  
Ben nodded.

 

“Porsche, do you have clean sheets?”  Samuel turned back to her.  She squeaked out a “yes” in response.  “Do you want me to change yours or would you like to come down to the apartment you're letting us use?”

 

“I’ll take her downstairs.”  Ben decided for her, finding a not-so-easy way to both get up off the floor and lift her with him.  He was taller than her by enough, but lifting a girl who was 5’5” and cradling her to your chest still looked a little absurd.  “You already made the bed?”

  
Samuel nodded. 

 

“I’ll take the couch tonight if you want to keep her with you.”  He held the doors open for them as they made their way down the stairs and into the apartment below.  It was comparable in size the the top level apartment that Porsche had situated herself in, but an electrical closet outside in the hall cut into some of the living room space. 

 

Ben laid her on the bed and wrapped her back up in the blankets just to sit on the bed beside her.

 

“Keep me with you?”  She didn’t turn to look at him.

 

Now wasn’t the time to be questioning him.  Ben wanted to do some serious damage to the man he had met earlier after seeing the extent of the damage. He knew she was trying to work out why he was here.  He had avoided her for a year or more, trying to keep her away from him.  He wondered, with a sinking feeling in his chest, if he had helped her decision to go away.

 

If he had put her here.

  
“He probably thinks you’ll be more comfortable with me.”  Ben tried to do the thing that he had heard Adam and Samuel do with their voices when Mercy or Ariana were in moments of panic.  He wasn’t that type of person, though, soothing didn’t some naturally.

 

“Why is Anna coming?”

 

“She can probably get you to eat.”  It wasn’t entirely a lie.  Ben wasn’t sure exactly how Omegas worked, but if she could shut up Porsche’s wolf long enough, they’d only have to deal with one stubborn mind.

 

He was too hesitant to touch her again while they sat in silence.  He was lucky she didn’t panic worse the first time.  Ben wondered if he should text Samuel to bring her pajamas.  They had made her get dressed only to put her back in bed.  

 

“Can you play with my hair?”  Porsche asked suddenly, very shyly and unlike her normal self.  Ben hesitantly leaned forward to essentially pet her like a dog.  

 

“I can’t do anything nice with it, I don’t know how.”  He said awkwardly.  She curled tighter into her covers.  The front door opened and closed and Ben stood up.  “I need to go see what Samuel wants.”  He explained before leaving her there.  He was pretty sure by that point she had fallen back to sleep.  She was so exhausted, he wasn’t sure if she had managed to sleep at all last night.  Her clear lack of eating definitely didn’t help.

  
Samuel was unpacking something from the bag when Ben walked in.  He left the bedroom door open so they could be sure Porsche didn’t try and escape through a window, though he doubted her current ability.  

 

“You don’t think she’s pregnant?”  Ben’s eyes widened.

 

“If I thought she was pregnant, I’d have bought a test.”  He shook his head.  “She probably doesn’t want to be, though.”

 

“What makes you think…” The look on Samuel Cornick’s face was one that told Ben he was an idiot if he thought otherwise.  He had a nose on him, he had caught her scent before she showered and even now afterwards.  “You’re covering her bases.”

 

“I believe it’s a good idea to.”  Ben made a noise of agreement.  “She’s asleep?”

 

“I’m going to change and stay with her.  I don’t think I’m helping the way that I am.  I don’t want to intrude on her space.”  Ben glanced back into the bedroom where the little sleeping pile of bones was sleeping fairly restlessly now.  “Can Anna help her?”

 

“I called Anna because she’s a woman, and she’s one Porsche trusts.  We need someone like that right now.”  Samuel watched the bedroom as well.  “You need to loosen up.”

 

“She was _raped_ and she won’t admit it.”

 

“Would you?”  Ben crossed his arms, but Samuel read it for what it was.  The younger was defending himself.  “I’m old, Ben.  I know what someone who was hurt looks like.  No, I don’t think you need to relax about the situation.  I think you need to relax about how you’re handling it.  You climbed the pack hierarchy for a reason, people trust you and you trust yourself.  You’re tearing yourself down this time.”

 

“I don’t know how to comfort her.  I’ve never had to handle something like this.”  He admitted anxiously.  “I’ve never done this before.”

 

“You’re doing it fine.  She’s a fighter, she just needs someone in her corner.”


	6. Chapter 6

“I won’t hurt her.”  I recognized Anna’s voice from where I laid in my bed.  There was a weight at my feet, Ben.  His wolf, rather, bad been curled up to the best of it’s ability at my feet.  He sat up when the door creaked, I had felt him shift.  “I’m here to talk to her.”  He slowly laid back down, but didn’t leave.  She didn’t seem to mind.  “I know you’re awake, Porsche.”

 

I opened my eyes and that’s when I realized it wasn’t my bed that I was resting in.  I startled and sat up.  Ben moved like lightning to stand between Anna and I.  

 

“I have to go back upstairs—“

 

“No, you don’t.”  She shook her head.  “We have some time.”  She gave Ben a look and he settled again.  It wasn’t just the look she gave him, Anna’s energy was naturally soothing.

 

“Anna, I—“  I didn’t have words.  I felt like that was happening a lot.  

 

“There’s cocoa in the kitchen, let me go get it.”  She disappeared again, but appeared a second later to sit next to me on the bed.  I let her place the mug in my hands.  “Is it ok if he stays?”  She nodded to Ben.  He had since positioned himself on my other side.  I nodded.  “I’ve heard what has happened from Samuel.  I don’t actually know anything, I want to hear it from you.”

 

“I joined the pack, nothing is wrong.”  I pretended to take a sip of cocoa.  Anna raised an eyebrow at me, I’m not sure if it was because of my statement or my fake sip.  Ben nuzzled my side.  

 

“And that’s how you got that?” 

 

Ben had knowingly moved my shirt to show the bruise.  It still wasn’t healing and I hissed when he licked at it.

 

“I got bumped into a table.  There are a lot of new faces in the pack, they’re all fighting for dominance.  Sometimes little arguments open up and they get a little rowdy.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault.”  I explained.  “I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

 

Ben whined, always a strange sound coming from a werewolf.  I knew the patch of skin his tongue had hit.  It was right under the bruise, but covered by my pants.  His eyes looked up into mine and I wanted to cry right there.  He was so angry, it was swirling around him and even Anna could only diminish so much of it.  

 

“Ben, you aren’t helping her right now.”  Anna said softly.  I was so happy he couldn’t speak because he’d have gotten me caught.  “Tell me about the pack.”

 

“They have no other females.  I’m it and I’m bottom.  I can’t hold rank, even with modern rules.  I haven’t gotten the chance to try for it yet.”  I took a real sip this time because I knew she was impatient for me to get something in my system.  The warmth was comforting.  “And they’re aggressive about pursuing me.  Oleksiy can only handle so much of it.  I just wanted to keep it at bay.”

 

“But he’s not your mate?”  She questioned.  “Bohdan Bzovsky?”  I shook my head.  “He just sleeps with you?” 

 

“He cooks a lot of the time.  He tries to make me eat.”  I shrugged. 

 

“He’s never said anything that’s upset or startled you?  Nothing possessive?”  I shook my head again.  “What about the hickey?  Anything cause that?  That looks very new.”  I didn’t have an answer for her.  “Not at all because he found out Ben would be here today?”

 

“He doesn’t know who Ben is.”  I whispered.  “I don’t talk about home much.”  

 

“And he treats you well?”  She pressed.  “You guys got back from the hunt yesterday—“

 

“I didn’t go on the hunt yesterday.”  I stopped her.  “I stayed home and slept.”

 

“So he came back and you woke up for him?”  I lifted the mug to my lips.  I think she had put mint in here.  Had she purchased it or did they bring it with them?  Maybe I had cocoa in my apartment this whole time.

 

But this wasn’t my apartment, my stomach sank.  Bo was probably upstairs waiting for me.

 

“I was sick.”  I whispered.  “He helped me back to bed.  Anna, I know what you’re asking.  He didn’t…I didn’t say no.”

 

“You’re sure?”  She asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you know that you’re lying right now?”  I blinked at her.  “You’re lying to me.  You have just lied twice and I don’t know what you’ve lied about by omission.”  

 

“I’m not…I don’t think I’m lying.”  I whispered.  She seemed to consider it before moving me and Ben both over a bit to lay next to me.  

 

“Ok, tell me more about how the pack works.”  She encouraged.  “How does Oleksiy keep everyone together.”

 

“We have pack nights.  They’re by the Ukrainian weekend school.  We have a hall there, or Oleksiy does.”  I was trying not to cry, but I wasn’t entirely sure why.  “He does his best to keep his eyes on me at those.  They happen once a week.  I tried to keep kind of hidden at those.  I didn’t make many friends here.  I think he was relieved when he didn’t need to watch me so much anymore.”

 

“Why haven’t you made many friends?”  Anna leaned her head on my shoulder.  “You’re such a sweetheart, everyone loves you.”  I hiccuped a laugh. 

 

“Same reason they’d get upset sometimes when they were new to Aspen Creek or Columbia Basin.  I didn’t fit in quite right.  I wasn’t one of them enough.”  I whispered.  “Some of them don’t like magic.”  I wasn’t a magic user in most general senses of the term.  I wasn’t witch born and I wasn’t like Charles, but he had been my mentor.  Charles had acted on a hunch that I could use my connection to Coyote to do small things, sometimes I could focus enough to Change into clothing.  Sometimes I could accidentally make things disappear, that was more aligned with Coyotes trickster nature, though.  It was less reliable than what Charles had the ability to do, but it was there now and then.

 

“Did they hurt you?”  She asked more seriously.

 

“No, just touches, pokes, prods.  General things.  Oleksiy would get angry about it all the time.”  I jumped when Ben emitted a low growl.  Anna hushed him.  “It’s just not proactive.”

 

“Not like the Marrok or your dad.”  She nodded.  “He was only scolding after they did something.”

 

“He’s older, he’s still used to it being free game.  I don’t blame him.”  I curled my fingers in Ben’s scruff.  “I just got tired of it.”

  
“So you slept with the second.”  I nodded.  “And it stopped?”

 

“Sort of.  He’s not my mate, but no one is going to challenge him about fucking me.  They don’t care, they just wish it was them.”  

 

“Ok, you’re not a commodity.”  She pointed out.  She set her mug down next to the bed and peeked into mine.  “You need to drink more of that if you’re going to tell me you aren’t eating dinner tonight.  I’m going to order food.”  I nodded and shakily took another sip.  “Is there a reason you haven’t been eating?”

 

“I haven’t felt well since mom and dad left, maybe since a little before.”

 

“Is that related to anxiety when they left or because you were distant from your pack and then you were upset your parents left?”  Anna asked.  We had never figured out exactly how I worked in pack politics.  I didn’t fit in and the magic didn’t always affect me.  We had assumed that I would be able to go to college without being in a pack, and it might have actually been easier.  The reason they wanted me to be in one was because they wanted to be sure if the stress of school got to me, I had an immediate system of control and support.

 

Mostly, it was about control.

 

She took me in for a moment, leaning back to look at me.

 

“I think it was all of it.”  She said finally.  “I know, school is hard.  It’s not easy for anyone to really settle into it.  It becomes all about new people, new friends.  You have to be separate from your parents, but sometimes you still need them.  Navigating a big change can make things hard, it lets you fall into things you shouldn’t or otherwise wouldn’t.  Can you please finish that mug?”  

 

I took another small sip of cocoa, Anna’s end-all-heal-all, and handed her the mug.  She tilted her head and I frowned, taking it back.  She actually wanted me to finish.

 

“I think you need to understand you weren’t doing anything irrational, but it’s become a serious issue in combination with other things.”  She tugged at the sleeve of my shirt.  “The not eating, a definite problem here that we need to get to the route of.”  I shrugged.  “Do you know anything about how Charles and I met?  Have I told you any of it?”

 

I shook my head, sinking a little more into my bed.

 

“It wasn’t the same scenario, I’m going to start there.  I’m telling you this because I want you to understand how important it is for you to tell us everything.  We need a baseline of the issue in order to help you, and we _are_ trying to help.”  She took a deep breath and shifted a little to almost intentionally lean me against her.  She reached over and played with my hair, something she used to do when I was struggling growing through my teen years.  It was comforting, but it made it difficult not to try and fall asleep again.  “You can listen, too.”  I didn’t look behind me, but I knew she was speaking to Ben.  “I don’t mind sharing.”  He laid his head across my lap and I realized I was still holding onto him.  Anna seemed to have already acknowledged this.

 

“There was some very serious corruption in my first pack.  It was something that hadn’t been noticed by the Marrok yet and it was something I didn’t understand because I was a young wolf.  I had never known what a healthy pack looked like, but I also didn’t know what an unhealthy pack looked like.”  She paused, “The fact that I’m an Omega was never explained to me and it’s relevant in some versions of this story, but I don’t think it matters here too much.  They told me that I was submissive and trained me to behave that way with promises of violence.”

 

She caught the look that Ben gave her.  Sometimes, wolves not being able to speak was fantastic and other times they were smart.  They found ways around it.  Anna turned to me again.

  
“While we’re sharing,”  She pushed some hair that she had been playing with from my face.  “Do you have more to share.”  I shook my head.  “So I can ask Samuel Cornick what has Ben up in arms and he’ll tell me that he’s just being protective?”  I nodded.  “Ok, give me a second.”  She moved around and I realized she was getting her phone from her pocket.  She typed something out with agile fingers and let it rest next to her, awaiting an answer.  “The wolf that Changed me favoured me, but I was passed around a lot.  They were purposefully trying to make me worthless.”  The phone buzzed.  “You have a lot to talk about, it seems.”  She looked back at me.  “Charles and Samuel found the submissive in your pack.”

 

Jeremiah, though I didn’t know what his real name was.  I knew we only called him that, he was oldest in the pack apparently.  Submissives aren’t prone to fights the same way dominants are.  Their place in the pack is defined and there is no way to change it.  Everyone works to protect them and it’s kind of this tying bond.  Packs with a submissive wolf are incredibly gifted.  

 

“He has a lot to say about you, apparently.”  She turned to Ben.  “They want you to meet them there, if you're up to it.”  I let go of the fluff I was holding so he could make his way off the bed.  He gave me a backwards glance, but Anna seemed to relax him.  It was maybe ten minutes later that I could hear him begin and my stomach twisted.

 

I hated the snapping sounds of bones changing.

 

“He really cares about you.”  Anna turned to look at me.  “Does it make you feel any better than he’s here?  I know you used to have that really big crush on him…”  She looked at me expectantly.  “I know you seriously considered him for a mate when you first went back to Washington.  You called me.”

 

“He hasn’t spoken to me in a year.”  I shrugged.

 

“He had his reasons, I’m sure.”  She nodded.  “I’m not defending it, but he is here when it matters.  He’s here when you asked for help.  Do you know where to get some good Italian food around here?”  She had picked up her phone again, presumably to order food.  I shook my head.  “I’ve been craving it.  We’ll find something.”  

 

I was hyper focused on the sound of Ben in the other room and she was trying to distract me.  The one thing Charles had never learned was how to transfer quick changes to someone else.  His were just fast, they weren’t immediate, but if he couldn’t do it I probably couldn’t either.    
  
She had asked me a question that I hadn’t heard.  I turned my eyes to meet hers and saw her frown.

 

“You can’t _feel_ his change, can you?”  I shook my head.  “Ok, I was just making sure…”

 

She ordered us something to eat, but I wasn’t interested.  She was ordering way too much food for the two of us, but far too little for us and the other three.  I hope she didn’t expect me to magically eat everything.  I knew enough science that making me eat too much too soon wouldn’t end well for any of us.  

 

Ben left, probably fairly cranky, almost an hour after she ordered.  He had gotten the food for us, it had arrived just as he was about to leave.  Anna met him at the door and let him leave as soon as he’d come back.  I let her all but force-feed me pasta with red sauce.  She made a comment about the cheese on it and the milk in my cocoa probably being the only protein I can digest without throwing up.  I didn’t disagree with her, but she still looked at me like she couldn’t believe I wasn’t eating.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos! I love kudos and comments!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben

“What did he say on the phone?”  Ben asked, having just gotten to the place he had agreed to meet the Cornick brothers.  

 

“He said he would meet us in Midtown, it’s a sort of free-space between the packs around here.”  Charles explained.  They all turned to begin walking, no one had the intention of maneuvering the subway system when they were all so easily aggravated. “Porsche is part of a pack that controls most of Manhattan, but they’ve all established the most common work-oriented area as a neutral to avoid possible issues.”

 

“That said, Jeremiah says most of the East Hudson pack works downtown.  Porsche is one of the only ones who travels and several live all the way uptown on the Upper East or West sides.  He speculates we won’t face any possible eaves-dropping, but he knows his pack well enough to be sure we don’t discuss anything…troublesome around any of them.”  Samuel continued in a hushed voice.  They had a long walk from Alphabet City and they were still inside of an area heavy with pack-activity.  “She’s been lying to Anna?”

 

“I don’t know if she’s lying or if she genuinely doesn’t understand what’s true.”  Ben admitted.  “And from there, I don’t know which is scarier.  She’s either trying to defend them wrongly or she’s convinced herself the defenses she has for them are true.”  He paused.  “She has scars…”

 

Charles’ body turned and stopped with a startling speed that might have panicked any humans on the street, had there been any.  

 

“I can’t tell if they’re from herself or from someone else.”  Ben admitted.  “I didn’t get a good enough look at them, and being a judge of something like that as a wolf is bound to be faulty.  I only caught the ones on her hips, I couldn’t see any others.”  

 

They abandoned their sudden standstill and picked up speed, none of them mentioning how much they hoped this submissive wolf could give a better mental picture of the pack they were dealing with and the situation Porsche had found herself in.

 

Their wolf had been clever, choosing a busy Hibachi grill where the sounds would easily disguise conversation even if someone did walk in.  If he hadn’t been standing outside waiting for them, in fact, it may have taken them a few minutes to find him.

 

“She reached out to you?”  Jeremiah asked them cautiously.  They all nodded and the wolf relaxed a little more into his seat.  “I’m glad.  I’ve been trying to make Oleksiy see it for what it was.  I was worried she wasn’t going to get help.”

 

“You could have reached out yourself,”  Samuel reminded.

 

“I was trying to avoid starting problems between East Hudson and the Marrok by going through Oleksiy.  He’s been dealing with a lot.  The packs around here, as you can imagine, have a quick turnaround.  Many wolves transfer out because they can’t handle the population density, more wolves flood in because they are transferred for work.  It’s easy to let people fall through the cracks, we don’t slow down.  Our pack is as fast-paced as the city we’re located in.”  He didn’t even really pick up his eyes when he ordered his meal.  “The Marrok understands this, I know, but I also know he has a strong connection with her and I worried he would think Oleksiy couldn’t handle his job.”

 

“Can he?”  Charles questioned seriously.

 

“He keeps the peace, but our newer wolves have proven fairly dominant.  None have challenged him, I don’t know that we have any who can, but if we lose Oleksiy we have Bohdan.  He isn’t ready to be an alpha, not yet.”  Jeremiah was too old to be uncomfortable with the three dominants around him.  This only helped the situation, because he was willing to share what was happening.

 

Even, as made obvious by his statement, if it threw one of his pack members under the bus.

 

“I don’t mean it as an attack,”  Charles wasn’t sure he could take anything this man said as an attack.  “But, we are fortunate that we don’t have an Omega in this pack.  The other two local packs have them.  I hear they do help control the fluctuating membership.”  Ben hadn’t known that there were even three Omegas in the United States, but neither Charles nor Samuel were surprised.  “Bohdan doesn’t have a strong understanding of magic outside of pack hierarchy.  An Omega would confuse him almost as much as Vas—Porsche has.  I apologize, the pack is very mixed in backgrounds, but  being based in the Ukrainian part of the city means that we do have many members with that background.  They have the tendency to refer to her by her Russian name, not her given name.”

 

“Vasilisa.”  Ben reminded the other two, who seemed genuinely confused.

 

“Yes.”  Jeremiah nodded.  Ben finally got a decent look at his face, he had never met someone so submissive.  He wasn’t unattractive, but he looked young.  He had freckled that dappled his face and long, red-brown eyelashes.  “I think Bohdan began that trend, but I may be wrong.”

 

“Do you know anything of what may have happened?”  Samuel asked the man softly.  

 

“She was very outgoing when she got here.  I think Oleksiy took a liking to her, in a grandfather way.  Like I said, though, he has his hands full.  I suspect she made a good show of looking out for herself and he stopped worrying too much about her in those first few days.”  

 

Samuel nodded.  “She’s like her mother in that way.”

 

“She was always kind of…off.”  He said thoughtfully,  “I think she was just sad, probably being across the country from home was difficult.  We were friendly at first, I was trying to help her adjust the best I could.  They let her exist right below me, it wasn’t something she handled well.  Bohdan wasn’t a fan of the fact he couldn’t make her listen.  She’d get into spats sometimes with the others, not so much start arguments because she really did end them.  He didn’t like that he couldn’t stop her.

 

“Everyone else just didn’t like that she was only half-wolf.  Conflicting ideas about her being the only female, being outside pack magic, and having her pedigree.  Some pursued her more than a little aggressively, Bohdan didn’t like that she handled it the way she should.”  He paused.  “It’s not so much that they physically abused her, but after maybe the first week and a half she stopped talking.  I think they had just started sleeping together, even though he had been adamant that her breeding made her worthless.  He controls a lot of what she can do.  He doesn’t let her talk at meetings, if she goes.  I wish I knew what he’d said to her.”

 

Ben bristled and Samuel put a hand on his shoulder, only to remind him that they were in public and that the man before them had done no wrong.  The younger was amazed by the idea that someone could even make a comment about her lineage the way Jeremiah claimed that their second spoke of it.

 

“I agree with you.”  Jeremiah said, more quietly now.  “She didn’t deserve it.  I don’t think she knew he all but hated her.  He’s attractive and he’s still fairly young.  He was Changed in Ukraine during their famine, he was maybe twenty.  He lost his family to the lack of food and he almost didn’t survive the Change for it.  He adapts well still and he wins by manipulation.  He hasn’t had a challenger since he came here.  I’ve seen plenty of alphas in my day, though, and he couldn’t make it.  He’s not strong enough and he’s lucky our people trust him, I don’t know many who would.  I don’t.”  

 

“You think he’s just playing games with her.”  Charles frowned.  “He’s just using her because he can’t handle her?”

 

“He’s using her because he wants to prove he can more than handle her.  He’s controlled the uncontrollable in his mind.  She doesn’t follow all of our rules, she doesn’t have to unless she chooses to.  Even Oleksiy can’t get her to bend if she doesn’t want to.  Two weeks ago she sat on the floor beside me and wouldn’t look me in the eye.  That’s when I was genuinely concerned for what he was telling her behind closed doors.”

 

“Ben,”  Samuel breathed.  Ben hadn’t realized he was growling and his hands were shaking.  “We’re all angry.”

 

“She’s yours?” 

 

Samuel gave a small smile.

 

“They’ve been close for a long time is all.”

 

“She deserves something kinder than what she’s got.”  Was all Jeremiah said.  

 

The four ate in mostly silence.  Every now and then someone would ask a question and Jeremiah would answer it to the best of his ability.  Only two people seemed to know what was happening, and it was between two people who weren’t going to tell anyone what happened.  

 

“I’m going to meet with Oleksiy tomorrow.”  Charles said.  He had been the first to put a card down for dinner, something that made his older brother amused.  “Will he ask you what we talked about today?”

 

Jeremiah shook his head.

 

“If he does, you can tell him.  You don’t need to tell him to wait to discuss with me.  If what you say about him is true, it probably won’t hurt that he knows.  If Bohdan asks you, you direct him to one of us.  If you have any safety concerns, you can contact us if you feel you need to.”

 

Jeremiah dipped his head. 

 

“Thank you for dinner.”

 

“Your help was invaluable.”  Charles replied smoothly as they parted outside of the restaurant.  Ben followed the two brothers back towards the apartment they had come from.  

 

“He’s not stupid.”  Ben was the first to speak.  “Her self-confidence…it’s not great.  Her biggest weakness is the ‘mixed-breed’ thing.  Her father gets anxious about it, thinks he’s the one who taught her to be like that.  He tried so hard to keep her before he sent her to the Marrok, he thinks he’s the reason she struggles with what she is.  He used to put such an emphasis on it in his reasons for trying to make her behave certain ways or when he was reasoning why he had to try so much harder to protect her.”  

 

“We’ll try to avoid mentioning it to him until it’s necessary.”  Samuel agreed.  “It might not be the best time now, anyways, if she’s having other problems.”

 

“He said he was coming back tonight?”  Charles asked.  “Are we letting her stay in her apartment?”

  
“I want her as far away from him as she’ll let us keep her.”  Ben said stiffly.  “And I think her limit is the apartment we have her in now.”

 

“If we take Jeremiah’s word for it, he’s not going to be aggressive towards us.  He’ll probably reach out to her.”  Samuel reasoned.  

 

The city masked scents well, but not well enough that they couldn’t tell the man they were speaking about had been this way earlier.  It was that realization that made them all hesitant to keep talking until they were inside and otherwise sure that the second of the East Hudson Pack wasn’t there.

 

“I’m going to find her phone and keep it with me tonight, see if he sends or has sent her anything.”  Samuel said quietly when they reached the door to the apartment that now five people would be spending the night in.

 

“Two humans, two wolves, one wildcard.”  Charles said it as a statement, but Samuel nodded.  The younger turned to Ben.  “If that works for you?”

 

Ben would have hesitated more in any other situation.  It was bad enough spending the night with the Marroksons in the apartment with him.  To know that he and Charles were about to stay wolves for the night in the same bedroom should have made him more nervous than it did.  He wasn’t going to say no to this, though.  It was obvious that Anna was going to be much more helpful as a human this time than as a wolf and the group of them still had very little idea of what possibilities awaited them.

 

“Yeah.”  They stepped into the living room as they crossed the threshold.  To anyone else, Anna and Porsche would look fast asleep.  To the people who had just entered the apartment, it was evident the reason the bedroom door was open was because Anna wasn’t asleep.  She was laying next to the sleeping young woman facing the door, but her breathing was too quick to be asleep.

 

“How is she?”  Charles asked.  He hadn’t gotten a look at her before he had left again.  Anna shook her head.  “Ben said he noticed scars?”

  
“Little more raw than scars, more like scabs.”  Anna agreed.  “He let me know when he brought the food up.”

  
“Has she eaten?”  Ben asked while trying to get a better look from where he was at the bedroom door. 

 

“She finished the cocoa and she ate a few forkfuls of pasta.  I think her wolf is a little more willing to eat knowing that you’re nearby.  She’s the one protesting it now.”  Anna explained,  “But at least one of them is hungry.”

 

“Samuel is looking to see if he can find something she could have cut herself with.  We aren’t sure who’s the one doing it.”  

 

“Did the wolf you talk to know anything?”  Anna started playing with Porsche’s hair again when the younger woman shifted in her sleep.  

 

“Thinks it’s more emotional than physical, but he can’t say physical wasn’t involved.  He only knows he never saw anything of it.”  Charles shook his head.  “Has she said anything?” 

 

“She stopped talking when Ben changed.”  Anna admitted.  “She’s cried out a few times in her sleep for him.”  Ben’s heart sank to the very, very bottom most part of his stomach.  Charles glanced sideways at him.  “You know she didn’t used to shut up about you?”  Anna asked him suddenly. 

 

“I didn’t know that.”  Ben admitted nervously.

 

“You know that that feeling isn’t just going to go away?”  Anna pushed.  “Hers and yours?”

 

Ben fidgeted a little nervously.

 

“Er—I’m going to go change…”  He ignored their hushed voices as he hurried himself up as much as he possibly could.  This was his third change in twenty-four hours, even on a full stomach it was tiring.  He trotted back into the bedroom as Samuel entered holding a phone and a small blade.  Ben didn’t even need to think about it, he knew what it was.

 

“The handle is ivory, it wouldn’t have bothered her.  We know she’s not always affected by silver the same way.  She mostly doesn’t heal from it, but in her state she’s not healing anyways.”  Samuel explained to him.  Charles and Anna both looked at it from the bedroom before all four pairs of eyes turned to the sleeping little bundle of bones.

 

“I’ll change and stay with the others in the bedroom.”  Charles said quietly.  

 

“He came back, but he didn’t come inside.  He stopped outside this apartment.” 

 

Anna nodded.  “I heard him, but she was already asleep by then.”

 

“He’s texted her.”  He held up the phone.  “Wants to know what she’s been saying about him.  He’s worried we’ll go to Oleksiy.  With the information we have, there’s nothing we can sentence him to anything crazy on.  He’s trying to make her spill.”  Ben growled.  “Not just that, but if you read these texts they’re pretty textbook.  He’s aggressive and he’s playing to her weaknesses.  He all but literally tells her no one will ever actually care about her, the way she is, and that she’s lucky with what she’s got.  It’s clichéd.”

 

Ben whined and made his way to the side of the bed that Porsche was on.  As if she knew he was there, her hand dropped so that she could just meet his fur as he laid down.  He felt more comfortable there than he was willing to admit, with her holding onto him.  Maybe ten minutes later, Charles had taken the spot Ben had previously held at the foot of the bed.

 

“Goodnight,”  Sam’s eyes sparkled a little, trying to lighten the mood.  “Enjoy the orgy.” 


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up in a very full bed.  Anna’s arms were around me, similar to how I’d fall asleep when I lived in Aspen Creek and I was upset at something.  Ben, though I didn’t remember him coming home, was half-off-half-on the bed.  It was probably to balance me, because I realized in that moment I was also hanging dangerously close to the edge.  Charles’ wolf is absolutely giant and was curled up at my feet.  

 

Ben blinked up at me with tired eyes when I moved.  He probably hadn’t slept much in his uncomfortable position.  

 

“Morning.”  I whispered to him.  He gave me some sort of grin and his tail wagged lazily.  “Thank you for staying with me.”

 

He nuzzled into my face and then glanced to the left.  Charles had pulled his tail away from his face so I could see golden eyes.  My heart almost stopped.  Ben’s attention snapped back to me, startled, and he pulled himself up on his front two paws.  His head dipped under my hand, probably to encourage me to focus on him.  

 

Charles hopped off the bed and nudged Anna’s back before disappearing into the other room.

 

“Are you ok?”  Anna’s voice was tired and she seemed momentarily confused by why she had been woken up.  She sat all the way up.  “You’re fine, Porsche, it was just Charles.”  She turned her back to me for a split moment.  “Samuel, she’s having a panic attack and I don’t think she knows what that is.”  

 

My chest felt tight and I couldn’t breathe, so what Anna was saying sounded absolutely rational.  It also meant that I’d been having them all this time, and that should have comforted me because I’d survived them before.  Somehow, I didn’t feel any better and being unable to breathe was still making it worse.

 

“I can probably keep her from changing, but I can’t walk her through this.”  She admitted, climbing out of the bed.  I assumed the shadow that appeared beside her was Sam, but I was losing vision.  “At least she’s in bed if she passes out.”  

 

Ben whined.  I lost my hold on him when he jumped onto the bed, but I felt him lay on my other side where Anna had been moments before.  He laid his head across me and I instinctively knotted my hands back into his fur, but it wasn’t helping.

 

“We have to let her ride it out, we’re giving her too much to think about right now.”  Samuel said quietly.  “There’s not much you can do for them, unfortunately, except make sure she can’t hurt herself if she does pass out.”

 

“Charles scared her this much?”  The voice felt distant.

 

I woke up for the second time with just Ben beside me.  He was human though, this time.  He gave me a small smile, but it didn’t hide the bags under his eyes or his scent of worry.

 

“Anna was with you, but she’s making breakfast now.  I came in to make sure you woke up to a friendly face.”  I nodded and curled up as tight as I could in my comforter.  “Will you eat pancakes at the very least?”  I shrugged.  “Can you look at me, please?”

 

“I’m sorry.”  I glanced up at him for another moment.

 

“Stop being sorry.  You don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything.”  He sighed and I felt his fingers in my hair.  “I’m trying to do what Anna did, I know I’m not very good at this.  Why are you upset?”

 

“I’ve caused everyone so much trouble.”  I mumbled.  “You all came all the way out here for no reason.”

 

“I want to remind you that the Marrok went to Italy because your mother got herself kidnapped.”  He chuckled.  “We’d go pretty far for you, too.”  There was a pause.  “I think I braided this.”

 

He had, very poorly, braided the hair that had fallen over my shoulder towards him.  I think I surprised the both of us when a rustling outside the door made me all but jump forward to curl into his side.  He looked at me for a moment before allowing his arm to wrap around me.

 

Sam had been the one standing on the other side, apparently.  He gave us a once-over and I looked away.  The voice he spoke in sounded like he pitied me and it made me feel sick.  There was nothing to pity, nothing was wrong.

 

“Charles will speak to Oleksiy this morning.  Adam and Mercy are coming in tomorrow.  We don’t know if anything can be done, but we’ll try and at least work out a way she can finish her semester.”

 

“We can’t just pull her?”  Ben asked,  “Porsche, you can’t seriously stay here.”  He looked at me.  My grip on his shirt tightened.  “Porsche, look at what this is doing to you.  Please, don’t stay here.  Come back with us.”

 

“Ben, not right now.”  Sam said softly.  “She’s overwhelmed.”  They had been sharing too many looks for my liking in the past twenty-four hours.  There was something I didn’t understand.

 

“We could just trade him somewhere else, couldn’t we?”  Ben asked him.  “Bohdan?  I got sent here, we can’t send him somewhere else?”

 

“We’ll see what my da’ comes up with after Charles speaks to everyone.”  I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, that meant no one would wind up dead because of me.  Both Ben and Sam turned their focus to me though, at the sound.

 

“Porsche, he deserves some sort of punishment for what he’s done here.”  Ben lifted my chin to look at him.  My eyes instinctively fell downwards, anywhere but his own.  “He doesn’t get to do this.”

 

“It’s just how wolves work.”  I whispered.

 

“No, actually, it’s not.”  Ben's voice sounded strained. He was trying to make me listen to him, I didn't understand why it was so important that I do that. "Stop making excuses for them. They don't deserve it."

 

"I asked for this--"

 

"If you say that one more time--"

 

"Ben."  Sam's voice was calm, but it was final. His eyes weren't as calm as his voice and his jaw was stiff. "You aren't helping her like that."  I could hear Ben's teeth grind in frustration, but he kept silent otherwise. He had pulled me closer to him, too. His heart was beating just under my hand. Anger pulsed from him with every beat and I felt suddenly nervous again. His posture softened. 

 

"I'm not angry with you."  He moved his head, I thought to kiss the top of my own, but he leaned it on mine instead. 

 

"Anna says she gave you a pill to take yesterday?" Sam asked. "Did you take it?"  

 

I nodded my head gently. 

 

"You promise me?"  Sam asked again. 

 

"Yes."  

 

"Ok. Good." He paused and I wonder what he and Ben were trying to communicate to each other now. "Breakfast is almost ready. Anna can bring you both some in here if you'd rather?"

 

Ben moved to get up with an "I can come in there" but I grabbed onto him. I didn't want him to leave. Every little thing was making me nervous and I just needed to know he'd be there. Especially after I had just upset him, I didn't want him to leave. I saw Sam nod out of the corner of my eye and he disappeared for a moment.

 

When he returned, he had two plates in his hands.  He carefully transferred them both to Ben and procured utensils.  They shared a few words that I remained oblivious to, my mind was too confused by the food.  I was starting to feel slightly more hungry, probably from having actually eaten yesterday, but the smell still made me feel nauseated.  I sat up better to look at it.

 

“Any reason you’re crinkling your nose like that?”  I hadn’t realized Sam had left the room again and I looked at Ben.  “You going to eat with me?  I’m going to repeat that for emphasis, are you going to eat _with_ me.  You aren’t allowed to eat any of us.”  He smiled.  “There’s your smile.”  I hadn’t realized I was doing it.

 

My fingers touched my face and he actually laughed.  

 

“Ok, eat your fluffing pancake.”  He passed a plate into my lap.  “Anna borrowed the ingredients from your apartment, hope you don’t mind.”

 

I shook my head.

 

“A few bites?  We’ll be happy with a few.”  He pressed the fork into my hand.  I bit my lip.  “Oh please don’t make me feed you like you’re an infant.  This is why I didn’t have children.”

 

“You didn’t have children because you’re sad and alone.”  I mumbled, stabbing at a little golden-brown circle on my plate.  He snorted. 

 

“I was happy to see your smile, I didn’t need your attitude back full-force.”  

 

“I have class today.”  I started worrying.  “My lab is due—“

 

“I can submit that for you electronically, but your dad already called the school.”  Ben shook his head.  His mouth was full, but I wasn’t about to correct his etiquette.  “You’re home for the whole day and probably tomorrow.”

 

There was a knock at the door and I froze.

 

Shuffling in the other room—not really shuffling, but the floor tended to creak in this building—meant someone was going to get it.  I heard them get to the door and pause, presumably to look through the peephole.  The door’s bolts were undone and it was opened.

 

“What are you doing here?”  Samuel’s voice sounded genuinely confused, but not angry or threatening.

 

“I came to see my granddaughter.”  Oh God, my stomach was doing all types of fancy boy scout knots and I sunk into the bed.  Ben looked down at me.  

  
“Who’s in Montana?”  

 

“Montana can manage without me for a few minutes.”  I could imagine Bran waving him off, telling him to be quiet.  Montana was more than a few minutes away.  I went to school, I knew how the states worked.  

 

“I told you, he’s gone to Italy.  This man knows no bounds.”  Ben whispered to me.  “New York City is nothing to him when it comes to you and your mom.”

 

“Charles’ wolf frightened her earlier, I don’t know if she’ll be ok with seeing you right now.”  Anna admitted, I heard her leave the tiny kitchen and take the few steps to stand in front of the bedroom door.  “She’s maybe a little worse than we had anticipated.”

 

“She still knew how to call for help.”  Bran reminded.  “She knew the right people to tell.”

 

“She lied to my face.”  I felt suddenly guilty for not having told Sam quite as much as he maybe should have known.  “She wasn’t going to tell us.”

 

“Let’s thank her wolf, then.”  But I don’t think he was referring to Mei, my darling other half who sometimes spoke to me.  I suspected he was talking about Ben and that made me weary.  Since I had returned to the Tri-Cities, Bran had found more than a little amusement in the situation between Ben and my parents.  

 

They were right outside the door now, all of them.  Ben took my plate from me and placed it on the bedside table with his.  I had only taken a bite before Bran had arrived, but I think he was worried I’d drop it if I was overwhelmed.  

 

“Ah…hello.”  Ben said when the door opened.  I definitely surprised him when I pulled up the covers and tried to disappear against him. “Porsche, it’s for you.”

 

I knew it was for me, that was the problem.  

 

Bran was clever, but he forgot that I was someone who had lived in his home for several years.  I was used to how he behaved, I knew he was trying to make me open up when he let out a lighthearted chuckle.  

 

“Hello, Porsche.”  He thought he was being smart when he himself sat on the floor, putting himself under me.  

 

“Porsche, you’re not five, please say ‘hello.’”  Ben nudged me.  “You’re being antisocial.”

 

“She’s fine.”  Bran said simply.  I could have sworn he continued with “She’ll talk to me when she’s ready, I’ll just sit here.”  No one else seemed to react to that, though, and I wondered if he had said it to only me.  

 

“What happened?”  I think it was more directed to Ben, though I’m sure we had all managed to keep Bran in the loop.  I could still feel his eyes on me and I tried to shrink lower.

 

“She’s Mercy’s daughter.”  Ben sighed, using the arm around me to gently lift me up further into a sitting position.  I wriggled back down.  “She’s got an eye, an ear, a nose, and every other part of her body out for trouble.  I think being in a pack so busy was a bit of a culture shock.”

 

“We coddled her for a bit.”  Bran said thoughtfully.  “I expect she made a choice in the interest of long-term self-preservation.  It just backfired a little.”

 

I lifted my head a teensy bit.  He was the only one so far who had understood my motives.  He nodded to me.

 

“You aren’t stupid, Porsche.”  He wasn’t so delicate this time.  “I understand why you did it.  The state you were in, though, didn’t make this easy on you.  No young man or woman is entirely emotionally stable when they move across the country and live on their own for the first time.  I think it opened you up more.  I think you would have fought harder.  Even so, what has happened here isn’t right and you can’t defend the one that did this to you.”

 

Ben was growing frustrated, I could feel it just being next to him.  I didn’t need my nose to tell me.  I laid my head on his lap as if I were actually a dog and let him lay his hand on top of me.

 

“I’m not saying she asked for or deserved this, Benjamin.”  Bran’s voice was a little cooler.  “If I thought that, I wouldn’t be here.  I am just letting her know she wasn’t in the wrong for doing what she thought she was.” He turned his focus to me again and I looked down.  “Someone else is severely in the wrong.”

 

“It’s not your fault, either.”  I said softly.  “You taught me better than this.”

  
“I taught you how to keep yourself safe.”  He disagreed.  “And that’s all you were trying to do.”  I gripped the sheets a little tighter.  “Now why don’t you tell me how they’ve managed to get you of all people, daughter of Mercedes Athena Thompson-Hauptman, to sit on the ground?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your encouraging comments and continued kudos! The comments very much encouraged me to get this chapter up today!


	9. Chapter 9

"She's been sleeping a lot."  Ben said quietly so as not to wake the sleeping girl beside him. He had let her sit in his lap while she retold her story to Bran, but she fell asleep there. Her eyes had been getting heavier the whole time she'd spoken.  He kept her in his arms a few minutes before laying her back down. His eyes watched her carefully as she slept. 

 

The night before, she had woken up several times. He wasn't sure if they were nightmares or her not feeling well and he didn't think she remembered them. 

 

"She doesn't have enough energy."  Bran agreed. "She's strong and she's smart. I don't think this will keep a hold on her as strongly as it is now in the long run."  Ben made a quiet noise to show he didn't disagree as he stroked her hair. "I hadn't known she had dyed it."

 

"Right before she left." Ben snorted. "We all think Jesse talked her into it."

 

"I'm sure she thought she did it on her own."  The Marrok laughed, mostly to himself. "She thinks she's creative, but she's like her mother.  Gets into the same trouble. Leaves wolves much older than herself weak in the knees."  Ben closed his eyes. "I don't think it's as dangerous a situation as I did when it was Mercy and my son."

 

"No offense, I don't want to talk about that. Not right now, not when she's like this."  

 

"Does she know?"  Bran could have passed for someone Porsche's age easier than Ben actually could, but Bran had the wiser eyes.  

 

"About the suspected rapes?"  Ben opened his eyes.  "Yes."

 

"No, about you."  Bran cocked his head to the side.  "About how you were raised, about your Change?"

 

"Both are a little too much for her, I think."  Ben's voice was choked and he was thankful that Porsche suddenly moved in her sleep so that he could focus on her again.  "She doesn't need to know if she doesn't want to ask."

 

"She'll need to know."  Bran commented, standing up finally and walking around to the side of the bed Porsche was laying on.  He sat down beside her, concern written on his face.  "Adam told me your excuse to come here."

 

"It wasn't an excuse."  Bran's eyes twinkled and Ben looked away.  

 

"So when are you going to proposition her?"

 

"You and Adam both realize she's going to say 'no' right?"  Ben asked in frustration.  "Or maybe she'll laugh.  Actually, given who her mother is, she'll probably just run, skip town."

 

"I don't think you give her enough credit."  Bran shrugged.  "You or Adam.  Adam _does_ think she'll run.  Porsche isn't like her mother.  Porsche thinks she's ready, realizes she's not, and then overcompensates."  

 

"Like sleeping with her second."  Ben sighed.

 

"Like sleeping with her second."  Bran agreed.  "She's the type of girl who, in any normal circumstance, would decide she's ready to marry.  She'll get to the altar and realize all of these problems with herself, her husband, her situation, and then she'll work like a dog to fix everything and keep it together.  She needs people to stop telling her she's wrong, she needs someone to tell her she's right.  Otherwise, she'll learn to stop fighting."

 

"You're half describing Adam to me, you know that right?"  Ben snorted.

 

"It's fair to say she's at least half Adam."  The Marrok's lips stretched into a grin.  "I think she's perfectly herself and we just need to let her be that way."

 

Ben seemed to ponder it for a moment.  All things considered, he knew why his alpha had sent his youngest daughter to Aspen Creek in the first place.  Adam had known he was trying to hard to keep Porsche locked in an airtight bubble and he was scared of something like this happening.  He was scared she would never learn to be confident enough to make her own decisions, he was scared she couldn't keep herself safe.  Adam Hauptman was worried he was going to hurt her because he didn't know how to teach her to fall into line and he feared pushing too hard would make her into something lifeless.

 

"You practically raised Mercy."

 

"I made a few mistakes."  Bran nodded.  "I learned from them for Porsche."  And, as if he knew what Ben was considering, he added.  "I don't know that the way Adam had been handling it would have made her turn out any differently.  We might still be in this situation, or we might have never been given a clue.  He was worried about breaking her, maybe if it was a fear that had played out Porsche wouldn't have told us anything."  He paused.  "She's half Adam, but she's half Mercy, too.  I think we can agree after what she's been through that Porsche isn't going to just break in front of our eyes."

 

"She's--"

 

"She's in survival mode."  Bran finished for him.  "She'll be back to herself, somewhat unfortunately, soon.  I learned from my mistakes with Mercy and I made new ones.  I stopped trying to teach her to be scared, something I emphasized with her mother."  

 

"You think this is something she's adapted to in order to keep herself safe?"  Ben thought carefully.  "So in your mind, the worst damage we're facing is a blow to her confidence from what she's been practically tortured with by her second.  You don't think he's beaten her into anything?"

 

"I don't know."  Bran corrected, "But from what she's told me and from what you have all gathered, she's hurting.  She thinks she's worthless.  I don't think she's submissive, I think she's scared of being hurt.  I think he caught her when she was weak because she probably feels unwanted to a degree."  He stood up and made his way slowly to the door.  "Ben, you don't need to blame yourself.  I've found over the years that young men and women aren't as well versed in understanding motive as you come to be after a few decades.  She believes Bohdan Bzovsky probably because somewhere in the back of her mind she feels rejected.  She probably thinks that you’ve rejected her for what she is, too."

 

That was Ben's greatest fear and he didn't like hearing it confirmed by someone else.

 

"You should be a shrink."

 

Bran actually laughed for real and he closed the door behind him. 

 

Ben tried to keep his frustration inside--it was all internally-directed anyways. He looked down at the sleeping figure beside him and shook his head. She used to curl up next to him when she was little, when Ben was home with her instead of her parents. He remembered the time she screamed for two hours straight, exactly up until the moment he let her stay up and watch a movie with him. She had fallen asleep maybe half an hour in anyways, but she had been so proud of herself.  She had left when she was thirteen, only to return for holidays and sometimes her birthday. Two years into her stay at Aspen Creek, she had come home for the summer. There were three new wolves (only new to the pack and because she hadn't spent extended amounts of time with them). 

 

It didn’t start with him, he knew that much.  His wolf took a liking to hers, but it was something he could manage and rein in.  It was useful in keeping her from dealing with unwanted attempts and that was all.

 

When she had come home a year before, ready to come and to stay, the simplicity of it fell apart.  First of all, she was almost an adult, but certainly looked the part.  Then she outright pointed out that he was now ignoring her (because it was harder to control himself when he was worried about his wolf and himself wanting to jump her) and he still wasn’t sure how they had wound up kissing in her kitchen.

  
He just remembered it as being a bad gut instinct.

 

He wasn’t sure when he as a human had realized he was actually starting to fall for more than just her looks, but when that realization came he made sure to stay far away.

 

“Don’t overthink,”  He had been so lost in thought, he hadn’t noticed Anna had entered the room.  A quick look told him Samuel and Bran had disappeared somewhere into the outside world, a listen told him they were upstairs.  “He has a way of sticking his nose into other people’s business.”

 

“I realized that, thanks.”  Ben snorted.

 

“He’s not entirely wrong,”  She explained,  “I know Porsche talked to me last year about being anxious over what your response to everything had been.  I know Bran tends to be correct in most of his assumptions, but I think he’s missed the mark a little.  I don’t think it set her up.  I think she is a stubborn young adult who wound up in a bad situation and managed just enough to get herself out.”  She paused.  “But to fall into a stereotype, yes, young women do have the tendency to be overly concerned with rejection.”

 

“It’s not that great for men, either.”  Ben rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m going to see if I can help them upstairs.  You can text Sam if you need someone.”  She gave him a light smile and he could see why Charles was so captivated by her.  Anna Cornick was beautiful in a simple way, but her energy made her.  He hadn’t realized what she was doing until she left and he was back to worrying.

 

He couldn’t leave now, he was the only one here.  He could change to keep her company and still be useful if something were to happen, but it’d take him too long.  She moved beside him again and gripped onto the edge of his shirt like it was his fur the night before and he sighed.  Ben resigned himself to laying next to her, only keeping as much contact as she instigated.  

 

“You’re going to be the death of me.”  He mumbled.  “Whether it be from worrying or your father killing me.”  She smiled, but he knew she hadn’t woken up.  He wanted to know what could possibly make her smile that much in her dream because she wasn’t smiling that much in real life.  

 

He knew in his heart of hearts why she was acting the way she was.  She felt guilty because Porsche would always think she caused everything, even without the added stress that the fuck job Bzovsky had given her.  She had this incredibly naive internalized belief that if she did something, she owed everyone.  

  
Porsche felt guilty because she had done something with full knowledge of what could happen.  She knew she was using someone and felt like she owed him something.  She knew once it got out of hand that she had to ask for help, but then she felt responsible and guilty for being—in her mind—a bother, a liability.

 

He knew how she worked because she used to talk to him.  He used to _let_ her talk to him.  It was a personality quirk that irritated him beyond belief, but might also have been a major factor in how he’d come to feel about her.

 

“They’re all a little wrong, aren’t they?”  He smiled as she moved to rest her head on his chest.  “You’re just being you.  Now we just have to figure out how to make you the normal you.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Dad, I’m fine, please don’t come out.”  I was practically begging at this point.  I had single-handedly managed to get the top four most dominant wolves in the entirety of North America into New York City.  

 

I was more than a little embarrassed.  

 

“You know that’s going to make him get here faster.”  I leaned against Ben and sighed.

 

“You lied to me, Porsche—“

 

“I didn’t _lie_.” I groaned.  “I was being honest, I’m still being honest.  I just needed time to figure something out.  I asked _Ben_ for help.  I didn’t expect an army.”  

 

“Watch her.”  He knew Ben was listening in.  It was humiliating to know I was being treated like a child.  This was the whole reason I had avoided asking him in the first place.

 

“Will do, boss.”  Ben agreed, not at all put off by the situation at hand.  I stared at him, taken aback by his calmness.  

 

I hung up.

 

“You just hung up on your father, you know that right?”  Ben raised an eyebrow at me.  I crossed my arms and slouched back.  “What has gotten into you, other than your usual self?”

 

“There’s no reason for him to come out here.”  I grumbled.  “Charles already spoke to everyone there is to speak to.  Bran even agrees the best thing to do is have me leave the pack.”

 

“No.”  Ben corrected me and I stiffened.  “He said you need to leave the pack and _come home_.”

 

“All of you are overreacting.”  

  
“You wanted my help?”  He moved to face me.  It wasn’t an elegant transition, the bed proved difficult for him to navigate even without being under the covers like I was.  “I have given you my help.  Let me show you something, sit up.”  I obliged, shimmying out from under the covers.  “Ok, this,”  He pinched extra fabric from my t-shirt.  “This is a medium.  I know this is a medium because Anna gave it to me this morning to give to you.  You know what else I know?  I’ve seen you wear this before and it did not hang off you like a fucking sheet.”  I blushed a little, he was right.  The shirt I was wearing was fairly fitted and it still was in certain spots.

 

Just not everywhere.

 

“Those,”  He gestured towards my legs.  “Those aren’t healthy.”  He waited for me to say something.  “Do I have to spell that out for you, doll?”  He could be a bit of an asshole, this was something I knew.  His temper rivaled most, though he was rarely physically violent (when he actually broke things, it meant he was livid).  I looked down, I hadn’t realized my hands were gripping my thighs quite so tightly until I smelled blood.

 

I had re-opened something.

  
His hands covered mine.

 

“You shouldn’t be doing that.”  His voice was tight.  “You need to come home.”

 

My heart was pounding in my chest and I knew he could hear it.  I wasn’t scared, but I was certainly alarmed to look up from our hands and notice his face was so close to mine.  Were his eyes really that colour? Blue speckled with green, not quite cool enough to be his wolf, but enough to match his hair.

 

“You’re _really_ attractive.”  Did those words just come out of my mouth?  Why do I speak?  His expression changed from that of aggravation to amusement, complete with cocky smile.  His wolf was easily more full of himself than he was, but Ben was never far behind.  

 

I had just sold my soul, giving him that comment, no matter how he felt about me.

 

“You’re a little young for me.”  He smirked.

  
I looked on the younger side, but Bran claimed Charles had looked like he was seventeen for decades before he got stuck at twenty.  I wasn’t sure when Ben was Changed, but I knew he couldn’t have been older than his twenties.  He had probably been one of those people who always looked just enough older than he was to pass for things.

 

“I look old enough.”  I defended.  “And if all goes well, I’ll always look like this.”  

 

He snorted and started to pull back, shaking his head.  I missed this side of him incredibly, the side that was just relaxed and not constantly worrying.  That wasn’t him, at all.  That was an utter stranger comparatively to the man on his knees on the bed in front of me.  His eyes fell to our hands again and he frowned.

 

“You’re bleeding.”

 

“It probably already stopped.”  I shrugged.  He eyes me suspiciously.  “Do you need to take a look for yourself or will you believe me?”

 

“You haven’t eaten enough to be healing.”  

 

“You’re giving me very simple sentences to work with.”  I teased.

 

“‘You’re _really_ attractive.’”  He mimicked.  “That’s not a sentence from a twelve year-old girl.”

 

My face was hot and I knew no amount of makeup could have ever covered the shade of red I turned.  He rolled his eyes.  “Let it out, let’s go.”  And I burst into an unnecessary fit of nervous laughter.  He started laughing too about a minute and a half in, or whenever it was I began to clutch at my side.  

 

“Samuel made dinner.”  Anna called from the other room.  I grinned up at him and he made a face, motioning to the door.  “Guys?” 

 

That was it.  The second time that I kissed Benjamin Shaw, Anna Cornick walked into the bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

Nothing is scarier that the knowing look the Marrok gives you when you try to leave the bedroom without raising any suspicions. Charles’ mate had a shit-eating grin that was probably not helping the situation, but nothing had happened. Ben could tell Porsche wanted to crawl back into the bedroom and die a quick and painless death.

“What did you make?” She asked nervously. Samuel gave Ben a questioning look, but there was no surprise on his face. He simply pushed plates towards both of them. Chicken, trying to ease Porsche into eating a more substantial source of protein than just the milk she’d had. 

She nodded and accepted the plate graciously. 

“Thank you.” He don’t know why he said it, but the awkward silence was probably starting to irritate him more than a little. As if realizing the problem, Samuel nodded.

“You’re welcome,” And he leaned in. Anna was speaking to Porsche in the background. “Try and get her to sit with us for a little. I don’t think Adam will appreciate his daughter hiding away.”

Ben turned back over his shoulder to see Anna tousling the younger girl’s hair and nodded. Bran and Charles had already taken their plates, Anna pulled one from Samuel and they all made their way towards the living area. Two kitchen chairs, two comfy chairs, and a couch was more than enough room for six people. Bran had already taken a kitchen chair, leaving the second to his eldest. Charles and Anna were sharing the small table between the two comfy chairs. 

It left him and Porsche the couch, and it was deliberate. 

He motioned for her to take the couch with him. She nodded and sat next to him, but her posture was stiff and uncomfortable and it took her maybe five minutes of pushing things around on her plate before she slid to the floor. Ben winced, she was sitting at his feet like a dog.

“What time do Mercy and Adam land tomorrow?” Bran redirected the room’s attention smoothly.

“Eight.” Samuel responded and then smiled. “Mercy will be upset to be up so early.”

“They don’t need to come if they don’t want. There are already all of you.” Porsche mumbled. One glance down at her plate told Ben she hadn’t actually eaten anything. She was anxious again, he wasn’t sure if it was the room or the idea of her parents.

“They’re your parents,” Bran told her, “Of course they wants to.” Whatever Anna was doing was settling everyone else in the room, but didn’t seem to be doing anything to Porsche. She was trying to keep the peace, worried Porsche would accidentally aggravate something in everyone else. 

Ben wasn’t sure what act of God allowed him to notice first, Porsche hadn’t even let on that she was holding off a change. He almost dropped him plate, but somehow kept hold of it and her scruff when she tried to run. Porsche’s wolf was usually more fight than flight, but she herself was known to run when she was upset.  
 “Good call.” Charles commented, and he wasn’t sure if it was a compliment. The other man must have noted his confusion because he added. “She might have tried to bust through the door.”

“I forget sometimes it makes her worse.” Anna admitted shyly. “She doesn’t like the feeling of certain magic, it rubs her the wrong way. I should have been more careful with how I was letting it spread.”

Ben shook his head.  
 “She probably would have done it anyways. She hasn’t changed in a while anyways. She’s itching to go.” He would have been, too. He didn’t often stay human the night after the moon. It was something he could avoid, but something that sometimes he still struggled with. He hadn’t had to control himself the same way when he was first Changed, it made things in the long run a lot more uncomfortable. 

This time, he had conveniently been able to without feeling guilty for it. He had done it to keep her safe.

“At least she’s eating.” Sam nodded to where she had settled on dinner. It was mere moments before her tongue was licking the dish. “The wolf isn’t usually more rational than the human, but sometimes it works.”

“It’s probably better if she stays like that for the night.” Bran said suddenly and everyone turned to him. “Lest Adam come tomorrow and see you in bed with his daughter.” Ben tried not to look, but knew that at least two people in the room were grinning from ear-to-ear. He, on the other hand, was flushed pink. Porsche’s tail thumped against the floor.

“Oh, you like that?” He glared at her and she shot him a grin.

There was a general lightness in the rest of the conversation. Most of the gnitty-gritty had been worked out and it was agreeably time to lighten up even just a little bit. No one brought up the idea of Adam or Mercy again, more to make sure Porsche didn’t run. 

At the end of it all, Porsche obediently trotted into the room she had claimed. Bran opted to stay upstairs and Samuel remained in the building as well, this time staying upstairs in Porsche’s apartment with his father. He would still be on the couch.

“Ben.” Charles called before the other man could get ready for bed. He motioned him towards the door where he would exit and Ben followed quietly. “I did some digging, we decided it best not to let Porsche hear. She’ll feel like she caused it, likely.” 

Ben felt his whole body turn to ice and his stomach plummet through the seven rings of Hell.   
 “He’s been brought in on rape charges before, nothing has stuck.” Charles didn’t seem put off, his mask hid anything his face could show. Any wolf, though, could tell he was disgusted, if nothing else. “Porsche likely would have been the only DNA evidence, but =.” He ended the sentence and Ben tersely nodded. “You’re not surprised.” It wasn’t a question.

“I don’t have the tendency to think the most highly of people.” Ben’s teeth were grinding together. Charles gave him one last look that was almost impossible to read before they parted, apartment door swinging shut between them.

Ben hoped she hadn’t heard that.

He walked into the bedroom relieved that she didn’t seem to have heard the startling break through Charles had shared, but panicked to see her human and naked. She spun around mid-pulling on a shirt.

“I’m sorry, it takes a lot out of me to change into clothes. I just figured I’d throw on a shirt—“ It was his, from the small pack he’d brought along. He didn’t fail to notice that detail.

He wouldn’t bring it up if it was something that would make her feel better.

“Do you mind if I change then and you just let me in here?” He asked. He let his eyes almost refocus when he knew she was clothed enough not to think about the things he was imagining.

How does that shirt not cover more on her?

She frowned at him.

“I’d just rather one of us be prepared.” It wasn’t a lie, and he’d rather the prepared one be him. She seemed to accept the answer and let him exit the bedroom. Normally, he’d just change. This time, he was worried about her. She had been upset by the sound of him changing before, he didn’t want more problems.

He didn't honestly know how much time had passed when he bumped against the door, but Porsche graciously allowed him to hop onto the bed after he did. It was more comfortable for him to curl up, but he stretched out to let her lay against him. 

"I missed you." She whispered softly. “I’ve missed having you around for a while. Maybe I should get into trouble more often.” The wolf snorted at her. “Very attention-seeking of me.” She nodded with a smile. 

He watched her for a bit as she slept. She still wasn’t up to speed with everything, she was still excruciatingly exhausted. She didn’t know the little details Charles had peeked into, but she probably wouldn’t know.  
 Honestly, he wasn’t sure if anything would be done about it. Nothing had been done about him, but that was a different place a little over two decades before.  
 Ben hoped to himself that maybe things had changed.

He watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest and every now and then her hand would tighten on him, just for a moment, as if she was checking to see if he was still there. The thought made him smile. He wouldn’t be leaving for a long time, he expected, at least not until he could keep himself in check again.

It was going to be a little harder this time, he knew that much.

Kissing her had been a mistake mostly because it had been indulgence. He shouldn’t have given himself or his wolf even that, he knew. It had been a poor choice that was bound to have consequences, especially if her parents were coming. He wouldn’t have enough time to explain all the reasons he needed her to be on her best behaviour for them. There were things she couldn’t say, jokes she couldn’t make. 

No one else that had been in the apartment would say anything, not anything incriminating at least. There wasn’t anything incriminating that had been done, just something stupid.

He wasn’t sure if his heart was racing because he was thinking about her or about her parents finding out, but it took him a long time to settle down and go to sleep after it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for both of your wonderful comments, Deb Y!


	12. Chapter 12

I was trying to stay asleep for as long as possible when my parents got to New York. I heard them already upstairs, talking to Bran and Samuel. I knew Charles and Anna eventually joined them. Ben was giving me an impatient look, having moved to block me from laying back down when I sat up for a moment to stretch.

“I don’t want to go out there.” I hissed at him. They were on their way down, all of them. 

“Is she awake?” Mom asked. Ben gave me a grin and I tried my best “don’t you fucking dare” look but he made some sort of wolfish yip-bark to let the others know where we were.

Awake.

“Fuck you, seriously.” I muttered to him and he licked my hand. 

“She’s awake.” It was Bran’s laugh that frustrated me most.

My apartment upstairs was pretty big, but wasn’t going to fit eight people. The apartment we were in was slightly smaller, you can imagine the discomfort of everyone crowding in the doorway to the bedroom.

“Hi.”

I had no idea what else to say. What do you say? “Hey mom and dad, it’s really fine. I really made a large mistake and I’ll just figure this back out.”

The whole ordeal was making me anxious beyond belief. 

“Adam,” My mom’s hand flew to his shoulder. “I’m going to talk more with Bran about what happens next.”

I felt immediately guilty. She had made the immediate assumption that I would rather talk to my dad over her. I hadn’t called her once since the move.

I didn’t want to talk to her because she’s less easy to fool than my dad. He’s overprotective, his mind will race when you tell him something even remotely worrying. He won’t try and figure out why. My mother is a puzzle-solver.

I would be in Washington already if I had told her anything.

The door way became a little less huddled. The group spread out to talk about different things. Anna offered to take Charles to go get food rather than cook. Samuel opted to stay with my mother and Bran and the trio went upstairs. 

I was paying closer attention to where everyone else was and completely avoiding the idea of my father.

“Thank you.” I frowned and then realized he wasn’t speaking to me. “For listening to her.” 

Ben dipped his head and turned back to me. He was waiting for me to speak and so was my father.

“I just needed a little help.” I made busy with identifying the different shades of red in Ben’s fur. “I didn’t want everyone to come, that’s why I asked him.”  
 “You should know you could have trusted any of us with this.”

“And then it becomes this whole big deal.” I told him sincerely. “Dad, everything that happens becomes a big deal. I wanted to be able to figure this one out. I just needed a little extra push. I know what I needed and I only needed one person.”  “You have a lot of people who care about your well-being.” He agreed. He seated himself at the edge of the bed near my feet. “That’s not a bad thing.”

“Dad, you don’t let me do anything for myself.” I didn’t disagree, it wasn’t a bad thing. “How am I supposed to learn anything for myself? You’re all so quick to compare me to mom, you don’t give me a minute to learn from my own experience. I’m not mom. Sometimes I think you know that, other times I’m not so sure.”

I was maybe a little more whiny than I had wanted to be. I didn’t know how to get the problem across, though. I was living in this weird shadow of who everyone expected that I was. I wasn’t saying I didn’t get into trouble, I did it all the time. I also grew up in an entirely different scenario from her. 

“Ben is pushy. He wants me to go home, but he isn’t going to step all over me to get me there.” I explained, more quietly. 

“Ben isn’t your father.” 

Ben picked his head up. Somehow, after a year of not speaking, he was entirely aware of the joke I was going to make, but thought better of. 

“He’s not.” I agreed. “It gives me some wiggle room.” 

“Do you know why I’m upset?” Dad was probably upset over a lot of the stupid shit I did and continue to do. He was probably upset over the idea that I wanted more freedom in my life to choose what to do with it. 

“Because dogs shouldn’t be allowed on the bed?” I motioned to Ben who made some sort of disgruntled noise. “He’s really very well behaved. Potty trained and everything.”

“Porsche, you lied to me.” He emphasized it.

“I shouldn’t have to write you a list of all of the people I’ve slept with.” Probably not the greatest sentence for a room where it’s just you, your father, and the dude you’ve had a giant crush on since you knew what a crush was. “It was a poor choice.”

“You should talk to someone.”

“When I’m ready.” 

“Porsche—“  
 “Dad!” I was losing patience. “It wasn’t anything I can’t come back from. I’m still alive. I’m breathing. There are some things to work out, but I have to work those out on the inside first. I’m not avoiding it because I don’t want to think about it, I’m avoiding it because I don’t understand it yet.”

“The worst of it aside,” He shook his head. “You shouldn’t need to sleep with someone to feel safe.”

“I know.” I sighed. “I made a mistake, it was poor judgement. I was scared and I did the first thing I thought I could do.”

There were plenty of other things and people who could make me feel safe.

“You asked for help.”

“I did.” I nodded. “I’m not entirely stupid.”

He smiled and shook his head. Taking it as my cue to hug him, I got up and moved to where he was in order to squeeze him. Ben whined and I laughed.  
 “You can get a hug later.” I promised. 

“Your mom wants to talk to you. She hasn’t heard from you in a while.” Dad sighed. “And I still want to hear from you what happened.”

“I know.”

“And I want you to see someone, please.” I looked up at him. “It would make me feel a lot better about everything.”

I sighed and finally agreed. 

“What do you think the next step is from here?” He asked me seriously. “What are you going to do?”

“Bran told me to leave the pack. I think he knows it would make me uncomfortable to stay, and he’s not wrong. I don’t mind being alone for a little, I don’t run with the pack the right way anyways.” I shrugged my shoulders. I really had no idea what happened next. “I don’t want to leave school, dad.” 

“You might need a semester off at the very least.” He tried to be relaxed about it, but I knew he wanted me home just as much as Bran had suggested it. They both wanted me in their direct line of site.

“I want to finish this semester.” I took a deep breath. “And then I’ll study closer to home. If I can keep my grades up here, I can get good enough grades anywhere.” I gave Ben a look. He looked quite pleased with himself and I smiled, turning back to my dad. 

“We can work that out.” And he kissed the top of my head like when I was little and scared of the dark.


End file.
